


Their Hearts' Desire

by sleeperservice



Series: Their Hearts' Desire [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Developing Relationship, M/M, Magical Pregnancy, Mpreg, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-05 05:31:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 35,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16361780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeperservice/pseuds/sleeperservice
Summary: Mikko and Mikael perform a spell to achieve their shared heart's desire; they think it's to help them get to the Cup, but it gets Mikko pregnant instead.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2018 Hockey Big Bang. The associated playlist for the fanmix, by elenajames, is [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/thedropoutandthejunkie/playlist/1IAXPPK32XqQTKoEWY8A6j?si=OmWIGpukQRSHNxH7iZIaiQ).
> 
> Content notes: the POV character experiences occasional gender dysphoria having to do with the pregnancy during the fic.

Mikko wondered what exactly was so special about this magical supplies shop that Mikael had dragged him out of his cozy hotel room in San Jose all the way to the very tiny downtown of Palo Alto. It was wet, he was tired, and all the charm had leaked out of the area over the past decade.

The shop itself had been renovated into ultra-minimalism. It wasn't what he had expected from his previous experiences in magic shops, but it fit well in what this area had become. It looked like a showroom for some expensive and generic wellness brand, all pale blues and pinks and rose gold. Mikael had looked this place up on the Internet and he swore they sold spell kits that would be able to help them in the playoffs; nothing that would directly affect the outcome of the games--that would be cheating--but things that would help the both of them get through the grind successfully. That was, if their focus when performing the spells was strong enough, which was unlikely. Magic had no guarantees.

Mikko preferred to use his focus for his hockey, something he had more control over. Either you won or you lost; there were only two set outcomes. Magic was too iffy for him. Why was Mikael thinking of tinkering with it for something this important? At least Mikael worked magic occasionally, but not often, and never for hockey. He usually worked household spells, like dust repellents and stain resistors, and they frequently didn't work. Mikael stopped working magic late in the season because he couldn't focus on anything but hockey. Mikko was puzzled that Mikael thought they would both be able to focus on spells now, even on the off day two days from now between the regular season and the playoffs. The lack of playoff success was probably getting to him.

Mikko looked away from the home security spell kit in front of him to look at Mikael chatting with the shop owner. The playoff failure was most definitely getting to Mikael if he was that willing to chat in English with a total stranger, even in a business transaction. Mikael was handling himself well, so there was nothing left there for Mikko to do. He walked over to Mikael, squeezed his shoulder, and left the shop. He needed another cup of coffee.

What Mikko really had needed was an umbrella. One hour later, he had purchased an umbrella large enough for two, several pairs of yoga pants, and a very large coffee. He had just sat down to drink it when Mikael sent him a text. Mikko was needed back at the magic shop. He picked up his coffee, took out his umbrella, and trudged back up the street.

The shop was still devoid of other customers when he returned. With the prices it was charging, maybe it could still afford a slow day.

"I understand that I am needed for something here?" Mikko asked.

"Since we're doing this spell together, you'll need to sign the purchase agreement too," Mikael said.

The shop owner nodded. "No working should ever be done without participant consent. You'll definitely want to look this over."

Mikko gave the agreement a cursory look-through. Mikael had already read it and Mikko trusted his judgment on things magical and otherwise. The agreement looked like the standard stuff: shop does not guarantee results and is not responsible for any of the results of the spell; all workings are done at one's own risk. Well, of course. The shop may have put the metaphorical recipe together, but the end user still had to cook it. The kits just took the home experimentation out of the process. Someone did it at one point and it worked for them, so perhaps it would work for someone else.

He signed the agreement, right under Mikael's signature. Mikael nodded at him as he put down the pen.

The shop owner gave Mikko a very sharp look. "Didn't you want to read the spell instructions before signing?"

"I trust in Mikael to have made the right choices for the both of us. He's far more experienced in matters of magic than I am. We'll go over it together in detail later today." Mikko didn't want to say that the only reason Mikael was experienced was because he was a lazy housekeeper. It was still more experience than Mikko had.

"Remember, just because the kit was purchased doesn't mean you have to work it," she said. "If it's not something you both feel comfortable working after discussing it, don't do it."

"I am sure we can agree on this some way. Later," Mikael said.

Mikko nodded. "I understand. We will definitely do some talking. Thank you."

She handed Mikael a blue nylon bag printed with the shop logo, which was some sort of caged crystal rose-gold motif. These places certainly went overboard with the theme. "Be sure and let us know how this works out for you."

Mikael grinned. "Oh, we will."

"If we remember," Mikko grumbled. If it worked they would be too busy; if it didn't, letting this little spell shop know about their failure would be the last thing on their minds.

  


Mikael had spent the ride back to the hotel engrossed in his phone, leaving Mikko to make small talk with the driver. Luckily, this driver was incurious and only wanted to complain about the weather. The driver mentioned that the Giants game had been postponed, which prompted Mikael to start sending a flurry of texts.

"Plans ruined?" Mikko asked; he received a short nod in answer. Mikael must have spent his words for the day in the magic shop transaction. That left the answer to what they were going to do that night somewhat up in the air. Mikko's original plan was to go out with a few of his teammates, the old guys mostly, as a centers' night out with the hope that the youngest member of the group would decide to join them. He should probably ask if Ekker had been part of the group that had intended to attend the Giants game; it was possible.

Mikko had no idea what Mikael's backup plan was. If they were a couple for real, they would need to do more things together; even as part of a bigger group, but together. Perhaps next season. If the other guys didn't know they were together, how could they be included?

A delivery driver was waiting for them in the hotel lobby when they arrived. Mikael took the bags of food from the driver and tipped him. He smiled at Mikko as they headed for the elevators.

"I ordered lunch for us when we were on the way here. We can go over this spell kit in privacy, then, instead of over lunch where everyone can hear us. Your room or mine?"

"Mine," Mikko replied as he pressed the button for his floor. It made more sense for a player to be visiting him than the other way around. He didn't care if other players knew if he was visiting Mikael, but the floors had regular non-team people staying there. The other reason for choosing his own room was that Mikael wasn't the tidiest person even in hotel rooms. Mikko could only imagine the state of the room already. It was hard to discuss important matters when his gaze would be constantly straying to discarded socks on the floor.

Mikko smiled as he opened the door and walked into his clean, cheery hotel room. There was enough room on the table for them to both eat and look at the materials that came with the spell kit. Mikael started unpacking the lunch, which was some sort of noodle with vegetable dish. It looked like he had ordered the same thing for both of them.

The food looked good, but it also looked dangerous to Mikko. "We should probably eat first so we don't get the instructions all messy. If we drop a noodle on those steps, we're going to miss something important."

Mikael giggled. "I'll light the candles in the wrong order and we'll end up with a bunch of broken sticks instead of good luck."

"We don't want that, oh no!" Mikko smiled. "Well, we do, but for them, not us. But that's not how it works."

"No, it's not." Mikael was indeed being dangerously sloppy with the noodles; one had already dropped off his fork onto the table.

Mikko wiped the table with a napkin. "It's a good thing neither of us decided to try the chopsticks."

They finished their lunch, cleaned up, and opened up the informational packets from the spell kit.

"I've already gone through these at the shop but you really need to read these. I'm very surprised you didn't read them there and signed all that without even looking." Mikael looked worried.

"What I said in there was the truth. I trust your judgment and your expertise."

"Mikko...." Mikael bit his lip. "You really should have read it. I'm afraid that it may be an unpleasant surprise for you once you realize what we're going to be doing."

"Is that why the shop person said that just because we bought it, it doesn't mean that we have to work it?"

Mikael nodded. "It's nothing dangerous. But, you know, she did figure out we were together by the way you touched me when you left, and when she asked about it and I said yes she started showing me different kits for group working. Ones for couples. The spells are more, um, intimate and private than the other group spells."

"Oh, spells involving sex, then. We're already having sex; it shouldn't matter if we do it in magic or not, except I know for a fact that neither of us have done that sort of magic before and who knows how good our focus will be." Mikko felt his face flush. It shouldn't be embarrassing for him, but it was.

"Yes, those. And you still signed off without reading them."

"I still trust you. And you evidently trust me enough to realize that I'd still say yes to working this and that I wouldn't be about to run off." Mikko looked through the instructions. The spell was titled "To Achieve Hearts' Desire." Yes, indeed, that's what winning the Cup was. The spell looked like a standard joint prosperity and strength spell, as far as Mikko could tell, except for the sex at the end. That was probably also standard for a couple trying to reach the same goal. The only problem was that neither of them were particularly good at, or enjoyed, anal sex with each other. Mikko remembered the two times they had tried it. He frowned.

"You don't look happy with this spell," Mikael said softly.

"The spell's fine. But...yeah, we're both clumsy at this, you know? But I'm worse. I don't want you yelping and losing focus when I try to enter you, like the last time. This spell is too important for us to screw up. I just need to get myself less tense when I'm on the bottom. You were absolutely fine. That problem was all me."

"I didn't expect you to be that bad at it. You said you had done it before."

"I didn't say I did either position very well, you know."

"Is that also why you never kept girlfriends very long either?"

Mikko winced. Mikael had hit the nail directly on the head with that chirp. The constant complaint with both Mikko's male and female lovers was that he seemed to treat sex as a timed event, the faster the better. Mikael was going to be around to stay, and Mikko should learn to take it slow and relax.

Mikael frowned. "Did I hit a nerve?"

"Probably the same one I hit the last time. I'm sorry. You'll probably never let me be on top again, and I honestly don't blame you."

"You'll get better with practice. I hope that we'll have plenty of practice. But after we work this spell!"

"Yes, and now I can see why you wanted to discuss this in private. Nothing like having the entire San Jose metropolitan area know how bad I am at sex, and what kind I'm bad at."

"You're not bad, you're just at novice level."

"Ha!" Mikko had taken out the receipt for the spell. His eyes widened. "I can't believe how much you paid for this thing. I'll transfer you half, because it's going to be my fault if this fails and I can't let you have the responsibility for this alone."

"You don't have to. Please. This is for us. Let this be my first big, extravagant, showy gift to you."

"The gift of playoff confidence, as well as a bunch of candles and stones and oil with a 10,000-percent markup."

"I think the cost is for the research, not for the supplies. But you know. I just want to make you happy."

Mikko could have melted on the spot. "You make me happy all the time. This has been one of the happiest months of my life, since we got together."

"Oh, I know. But we both would be much happier if we also won the Cup."

"I can't really argue with that."

"I can also think of something we could do right now that would make you happy, hmm?" Mikael looked at him in anticipation.

Mikko looked at his watch and then his phone. "It would, but I'm not sure if I have enough time. It looks like the evening planning is going around right now, and I'm sure if you look at your phone again someone's set something up for you. I was going to ask you to join us, but a boring dinner with a bunch of boring old guys is probably not what you had in mind."

"Ekker's going to be there, isn't he? He said he was, he's not old. Boring, maybe, not old."

"You anticipated my question. I was wondering if he was going to go out with you lot."

"He was really excited about getting invited to dinner with the vets. Also, he said our group had too many defensemen in it."

Mikko shook his head. "He likes all of them, as far as I can tell. Going out with the centers is probably more exciting, especially if you had originally planned on baseball."

"It wasn't my idea. I think all my ideas were spent on this," Mikael said as he pointed to the spell kit.

"And where are you off to?"

"Nino is being vague about it, but I'm assuming it's good."

"Be sure and get your sleep tonight. I won't be up waiting for you."

"You could come with us after you're done?" Mikael pleaded.

"I'm too old for the clubs. I think your birthday proved that."

"Proved that coming home with me was the best decision you ever made when you were sleep-deprived and intoxicated?"

"I think it was...the best decision I could have possibly made, under any circumstances."

"I'm sorry that it took me so long to get up the courage to ask."

"Whenever you finally did, it would have been the right time. I was waiting for you to figure out what you wanted, you know."

"Was I that easy to see through?"

Mikko shook his head. "Only because we've been around each other for so long. Anyway, I...I think I was waiting for the man, you know, not the boy. The boy wouldn't have asked. The man did."

"Yes. I did." Mikael nodded. "Now what do I do with you?"

Mikko looked at his phone. "That is an exercise for later. I see people are waiting for me to proceed to dinner. You need to go back to your room to get ready for your activity, unless you intend to go out in that?"

"I suppose you're right. Well, then, see you later?"

"Perhaps."

  


Mikko was the last man to arrive at dinner. He had spent too much time after Mikael left his room deliberating if he should have gone after him and asked him to come along. Mikael hadn't pushed on coming with him, but neither did he say no. They needed to start doing things together, and this could have been a start. Or it could have been a disaster. He would never know.

He should have planned this dinner out but he let Cully handle it. He had too much to worry about with the on-ice stuff, so he delegated the task out even though the dinner had been his idea in the first place. It explained why they were eating in a steakhouse instead of at anything else that San Jose had to offer. Next time, if Mikko was going to be that picky, he needed to make all the decisions himself.

"You didn't bring Granny with you?" Cully asked when Mikko sat down.

"Well, he's not a center anymore, is he?" That was true on its face, but it really did feel like Mikko should have asked him to go, if even his teammates were thinking it.

"No, he isn't. For now. Tomorrow, who knows? He would have been welcome just the same."

"I'll let him know, for next time." Mikko hoped that there would be a next time, that all four of them—or at least three of them—would still be around for the next season. Not that any of them would be on the same lines, or perhaps even playing the same position.

"What's he up to tonight, anyway?" Eric asked.

"I have no idea. I'll find out at the rink tomorrow, same as you."

Everyone at the table smiled a bit too broadly at Mikko, including Joel. Did they all suspect something was going on between himself and Mikael, or were they just assuming the normal close friendship? If even the kid knew something already, maybe it was a bit more obvious than either of them knew. Mikko quickly smiled back.

"I hope the orders come quickly. I've got to phone home after," Eric said.

"Me too. The kids should be in bed, but they won't be, especially because it's Friday," Cully said.

"I'm wondering how you do it," Mikko said. "How you sustain something when you're gone all the time."

"Well, you've got to keep in touch. Constantly. And you know my kids, I have to keep them around, we feed off each other's energy, and it keeps us close as a family." Cully took a drink of water. "Also, they help me keep in the game." 

Mikko smiled wanly. Cully had been around him before, when he was having another string of relationship attempts. Mikko had no idea what he had wanted back then, and he had no idea how to give someone else what they wanted.

Eric nodded. "Even though mine aren't around the rink as much as yours are, we're still close. We do things together all the time. And when it comes to time you need to spend alone with your partner—no kids—we do that too. They can't just be there for the kids."

"Your kids are a bit—quieter?—than Cully's," Joel said. "So things are different."

Eric shook his head. "Children are all individuals. One day, they look at you and what you're doing as the most awesome thing ever and then the next, poof. But, Mikko, you didn't grow out of that, did you, or you wouldn't be here with us today."

"My dad did a lot of different things in and around hockey when I was a kid. By the time I realized what my dad did for a living, he was done playing. It was my brother who was the awesome one. Dad was...the rules guy. Coach. Uncool, I guess." Mikko blinked. He hadn't thought of it like that before.

Eric smiled. "Well, you didn't follow your mom's example."

"Perhaps I should have. Sometimes I think about what I'd be doing if I wasn't playing. How weird it would be if I went back to school?"

"Lots of guys do. You wouldn't be the first." Cully looked thoughtful. "But that's usually guys whose careers crap out a lot earlier than yours will."

"Not always," Joel said. "My dad says I always have to be thinking about what's next. So many things happen, things that nobody expects or wants to happen right then."

"Yeah, and I should know. All my injuries. And then my brother's career. We all want to play until we're forty," Mikko said with a nod at Cully, "but sometimes, I think, it is a lot harder than everyone thinks."

Cully smiled. "But it's worth it. Most of the time."

The conversation turned a bit more light-hearted with the arrival of their orders, but Mikko was still thinking about what was said. He had two seasons left on his contract, and a new relationship to navigate along with it. How was he going to talk to Mikael about the post-career next when they hadn't really talked about the 2018-19 next yet?


	2. Chapter 2

It may have been an off day for the Wild, but Mikko was still tired. The game the previous night was indeed a night game, and with the time zone difference they didn't get back to Minnesota until early morning. He was so tired that he barely managed to get undressed before collapsing into his bed. By the time he woke up, it was no longer Sunday morning but approaching Sunday evening. Mikael would be there soon, and then they would work the spell. That meant he had to prepare the bedroom and himself for the events to come.

When Mikael arrived, Mikko was in a weird state of tired alertness. Coffee was the only thing that was helping. Everything was ready for the spell, but he was nervous.

"I don't know if I was hoping you'd be late or on time," he said as Mikael came into the house. "I still don't feel quite ready."

"If you don't want to do this, we don't have to."

"It's not that. It's the magic part. I've never been good at it, even learning the basic stuff when I was a kid, so I haven't done anything since."

"There's nothing really to worry about. All we have to do is keep focus for just this little bit, on each other, on our wish, on what we want. And then it will be over, and it will work or it won't." Mikael hung his coat in the closet, which was a first for him in Mikko's experience. Usually he just left it wherever.

"That's what I don't like about it! The uncertainty!"

"If it doesn't, it doesn't. What matters to me is that we're doing it together." Mikael kissed him. "Our first big off-ice project. Now let's get up to your bedroom and make magic happen."

  


Mikael emptied the spell kit bag on top of Mikko's cleared dresser and started arranging the items in order of use. "Go get undressed. I'll do it myself as soon as you're done and I'm done with this."

"The mirror isn't going to screw up anything, is it?"

"It's going to give us a curse to make us finish last in the Central for the next decade. No, it's not, if it would it would have been noted in the instructions. Stop worrying, Mikko."

"I just want to make sure." Mikko got undressed and threw his clothes into the hamper. He hoped Mikael would get the idea himself just by not seeing clothes all over the bathroom floor. If they ever moved in together, training Mikael to Mikko's standard of cleanliness was going to be quite the job; but it was a job that would need to be done.

"Relax! You promised you would! If you really want to be sure, reread the instructions while I get ready."

"I hear you loud and clear." Mikko left the bathroom and Mikael entered.

Mikko read the instructions again. Mikael was right; there was nothing in there to worry about. Everything in there was as straightforward as he found it the first time. All he had to do was think about what he, what they, wanted to get out of this spell, and keep thinking about it as much as he could. Although the instructions said less about thinking than feeling; to feel their desire, to feel the wish, to feel everything they wanted. Mikko would try. He wanted to keep himself and Mikael safe during the playoffs, safe to win, safe to go on. He thought about them, together, even if he had the feeling they wouldn't be on the same line during the first round.

Mikael came out of the bathroom. "Are we ready?"

"Yes, we are." Mikko couldn't get enough of looking at him naked, now that it was all right for him to look. Mikael may have not been the most sculpted athlete, but there was strength under the softness, strength he felt on the ice, strength that he felt in his embrace. Mikko was so lucky to have him.

“If that’s the case, light the first match and let’s get to it.”

Mikael’s attitude was all business. Mikko was only glad enough to let him direct the night. All he had to do, right then, was start the incense going to set the mood. The smell of roses and jasmine and something else Mikko couldn’t quite identify filled the air as Mikael unstoppered the tiny bottle of clove oil and began rubbing it on the candles. Mikko took a droplet of it and rubbed it on the red taper he had chosen, as he thought about the purpose of the spell. Safety and health and togetherness, winning and growing and happiness. They could do this.

Mikael was writing his name on the green pillar with the little diamond-tipped wand. His face was rapt in concentration and a piece of hair flopped over his left eye. He appeared not to notice.

Mikko tried to focus that hard when he followed Mikael at that task, but it was not working so much for him. He kept sneaking looks at Mikael, who had moved on to dabbing another scentless oil onto the little red and orange and white stones. Mikko placed the stones around the pillar candle as Mikael finished.

“It’s time for the lighting again, Mikko,” Mikael whispered. He lit a match and lit his black taper, handing the match to Mikko who lit his own red taper.

The next part involved focus. The instructions had said to feel your heart wish as you lit the pillar. Mikko tried thinking about the Cup, but the image in his mind flickered as he thought about seeing Mikael happy, so overjoyed in his happiness that Mikko felt his own heart would burst in answering joy. Maybe that’s what the Cup meant to them. He set the lit tip of the taper to the wick of the pillar and then blew the taper out.

The little pillar was lit and gave off a cheerful scent of cinnamon that made Mikko think of Christmas candle displays, so incongruous in April. He was losing focus again. It didn’t help that the next stage in working the spell would be them anointing each other with patchouli oil. Mikko hated the smell, but touching each other would get them both aroused enough to finish the job, no matter what they smelled like. Luckily there were just seven points on each other to dab with oil, so they wouldn’t be soaked with it.

Mikael was so intensely focused as he touched Mikko with the oil, as if the only thing in the world was the spell and its process. Every one of those seven touches filled Mikko with lust. He didn’t want to wait to finish, but he had to. Mikko shook as he touched Mikael with the oil. Mikael stood there as if he were made of stone. Stone that was getting a hard-on, that is. That focus he was trying to maintain was probably about ready to break.

Mikko tried thinking of their goal as he gathered the little stones and put them into the amulet bag, mixing the herbs in it in the process; but all he could think of was himself and Mikael together, joined, sharing sensations.

Mikko closed the bag and closed his eyes as Mikael placed the bag around his neck. Mikko knew he was supposed to wear it for an entire day. He wondered if anyone would ask him about it at practice. He’d have to tell a bit of the truth, as much as he could.

“Lie down on the bed now,” Mikael whispered in his ear. “Face down. If you look at me I know you’re going to break this spell. Relax and trust me and feel our goal. Our hearts’ desire.”

Mikko’s desires at that moment were less in his heart and more in his cock, but he got the message. Lie down and think of hockey...no, too cold. Happiness and winning and being together, safe and sound. Safe. Mikael was going to keep him safe. Relax, even as he could feel something cold and wet being rubbed into his hole. He had to remember to relax. He arched his back to give Mikael a better angle of approach. 

“I am starting now, all right?” Mikael asked him. 

Mikko sighed. “Please. Now!”

He was more than ready as he felt Mikael enter him slowly, gently, and then a bit faster and harder. Mikko tried to focus as he was thrust into, focus on love and desire and trust, but all he could think about was the sensation as every nerve seemed to be alight at once, drowning his wish in sheer ecstasy and delight, feeling Mikael come inside him as Mikko came himself, cock untouched as an afterthought.

  


Later that night, after they had cleaned the room and themselves and let the small pillar burn itself out, they snuggled in the bed. Mikko enjoyed this. Some of his previous partners had liked snuggling, too, but they hadn’t liked it when Mikko tried to be the one being cuddled and held closely. Mikael was very glad to do it, as long as Mikko returned the favor.

“You see now? No trouble at all,” Mikael said as Mikko tried to maneuver himself to fit the top of his head under Mikael’s chin. It wasn’t going to work right.

“It wasn’t. It was...possibly the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me in bed. Not out of it, I’ve had more exciting games….”

Mikael kissed Mikko on the forehead. “2011, I hope.”

“Mostly. Ones you were there for, at least.”

“Ah. Well, Mikko, I did say we would perform magic in this room, and I believe we did. Now we just need to see how well it worked.”

Mikko sat silent for a few seconds. “I just hope I didn’t mess it up for both of us.”

“It was no mess. If it didn’t work, we just had the most amazing sex of our lives, I think, so we do have that going for us.”

“Yes. You’re not wrong. Was it the magic?”

“It could be. Or we may be magic together, who knows?”

“And here I thought I was the one being ridiculous about his partner. We are even.”

“I love when you’re ridiculous. It’s my favorite part of your personality. Far better than the worrier.”

“The worrier is always lurking and he has just looked at the time. We need to get to sleep so we can make it to practice tomorrow. I’m going to be sore, you know, so I will need my rest.” Mikko felt most sore at the moment in his belly, though, little tingling pains. He had never felt like that before. Whatever it was, it wasn’t that bad.

“Oh, I know. And we’ll sleep, together, for once.”

“If you’d only come over more often, we could….”

Mikael didn’t let Mikko finish as he bopped him in the head with a decor pillow. “We could sleep, you big ball of panic. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Mikko tried to sleep, but the little tingles and the weird dream he had kept him restless. In the dream, he was with Mikael next to an outdoor fire. He could hear the voices of two small children behind them. Mikael’s arm was around his waist and he was touching Mikko’s belly. He felt filled, and joyful and content, with a bliss he had never known before. When he woke from the dream, it was morning and Mikael was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Mikko knew that that even more people around the team had started to suspect that he and Mikael were in a relationship when they arrived at their hotel in Winnipeg in advance of Game 1. They had been issued adjoining rooms as well as the key to go between them.

Mikael saw the expression on his face. "If management wasn't all right with us, they would have never made this happen. It's to protect us from the press and fans, I think."

Mikko grunted in assent. "I'm still not ready to make it official for those who haven't picked up on it. I don't want it to shake up the team during the playoffs. After all this is over, we can, if you want. If you're still all right with us together."

"Why wouldn't I be?" Mikael looked puzzled.

"Because our last night together, you took off in the morning without a word. That hurt."

"Mikko...it had nothing to do with you, or us. I can't explain it right now. It was about the spell, and things were weird, and I had to get home before heading to practice. Something felt off."

"I'd like the explanation someday."

"You'll get it, I promise. Right now, I'm wondering, whose room are we taking for tonight?"

"We now have a wonderful two-room suite, so both. Who wants to compete for the bathroom? I've had enough of doing that by now."

"You mean you don't want me messing your space up, and just want me to share your bed."

"I can share yours, if you'd like that better?"

Mikael laughed. "Yes, you can dwell in my domain for tonight."

"Visit the land of enchantment, wonder, and socks on the lamp? How could I ever turn down such an offer?"

"Oh, Mikko, once you enter you won't ever wish to leave."

Mikko pulled him into an embrace. "I'd never wish to leave you. Only for a moment, perhaps, to use the clean bathroom."

They stayed like that, close, nestled into each other, until it came time for them to join the rest of the team for dinner.

  


The squirming, tingling feeling in Mikko's guts that had been there since after working the spell on Sunday showed no signs of going away by the time Game 1 started on Wednesday. He hoped it was just a residual effect of the spell, a physical manifestation of the luck it promised.

But, if Mikko had any luck in that first game, it had gone to his teammates instead of to himself. His shots kept missing the net or were blocked and he was kicked from the faceoff circle more times than he would have liked. Mikael had an excellent defensive night, on Mikko's line, yet; and that pleased Mikko very much. The hit Mikko committed late in the game wasn't intended to hurt anyone; he was just so angry about Ekker getting hit that he laid out the next Jet he legally could. At least his line managed to score even if he couldn't finish himself. Mikko just didn't appreciate all the hits he took doing it. The loss wasn't unexpected. The Wild had half the shots on goal than the Jets and a lot of missed and blocked shots. They just had to get back up and do it again in two days.

  


The next few days leading up to Game 2 were a preview of what their relationship was going to be like for the next few years, Mikko imagined: both of them needing the closeness and companionship of sleeping together but too tired and anxious about hockey to do anything but sleep. Maybe it was just the playoff pressure getting to them. It was always a grind, but already it seemed more grindy than usual. The pain Mikko was still feeling didn't help, either.

Game 2 proved the hard grind to be a fact. His line's success in Game 1 coupled with all his scoring attempts—as well as the fateful hit he delivered to Perreault—made Mikko a target. He finally got the chance to make something happen in the 2nd period when the Wild were short-handed. He saw an ideal opportunity to score and he took it, only to fail twice. He circled around the net to set up for a third attempt, only to be hit by Byfuglien on his way back. Mikko felt as if he had never been hit that hard in his life, and it took him what seemed like forever but in reality was only a short few seconds to crawl his way up and skate away with the puck with no apparent harm done. That hit should have broke him. It didn't and perhaps that meant good fortune was with him after all.

That didn't mean that the Jets were laying off of Mikko for the rest of the game. Not at all. They kept coming at him and the Jets kept scoring. Laine scored what Mikko would have called a perfect goal, if it had been for the Finnish national team, which of course it wasn't. Then the punk kid had to skate by the Wild bench doing a sarcastic mimicry of Nummelin's violin celly. That did it. His line had one shift left, probably, and they were going to score if it was the last thing Mikko did.

It was almost the last thing the Wild did in that game, getting their only goal with 45 seconds left. Zach really was an almost unstoppable force in these playoffs. What had been stopping him was the inability of Mikko to feed him the puck. That at least didn't happen this time.

That last goal did manage to get everyone on both sides riled up. It wasn’t the way he would have done it, trying to start a fight with half a minute left, but the Wild had their most aggressive lines on both offense and defense out there and Mikko knew everyone had enough of the Jets that night. They were down 4-1, nobody on the Wild was even making shots on goal the entire game, and they were just so frustrated that they blew up. It happened all the time in hockey. Mikko just wished it hadn't happened in the playoffs.

  


There was a blizzard coming to the Cities. The Wild had to leave in a hurry to beat the weather. Mikko hadn't felt all his hits during the game, but he was feeling them now and he noticed other players looking at him.

"Nice shiner you've got there," he heard from someone, and then he finally noticed that his right eye felt sore. So one of those hits must have rung him up pretty well. If all he was left with was a black eye, he was fortunate indeed.

Mikael had decided to sit with him on the short flight back instead of with his normal buddies. That was odd.

"You haven't had enough of me in the past week?" Mikko asked him.

"Not really. I'm trying to get all the time with you I can before this summer. Because we won't be together." Mikael's downcast expression made Mikko almost feel sorry for him.

"Next year, we'll make training plans that coincide. I'm not going to ask you to break up your prior commitments just for me."

"I know. I just feel bad about it, but...."

"It's all right. When we get together this summer, we'll make plans for the rest of the year, right?"

"Right." Mikael smiled.

"Let's talk about the plans for this weekend. This blizzard sounds nasty. You should really come home with me so we can come in together and you won't land in the mess you did with the last one."

"I have to go home, Mikko. I want to go with you but someone has to herd all these guys who live in downtown Minneapolis to the rink. That wasn't my mess, I was fine, it was theirs."

"All these Canadians who don’t know how to drive in snow. I admit I was bad at it my first few years in Minnesota, but I learned." Not without a few incidents, of course; Mikko had got his car stuck in drifts more times than he wanted to admit.

“We get more snow in Oulu, of course. So I already had an idea from seeing my parents drive through it. These kids are so horrible in snow. So bad. And so panicky. Good thing none of them decided to crash into the light rail for the hell of it, but I’m expecting that next. So that’s why I’m going home for now.” Mikael let out an exaggerated sigh.

Mikael was the oldest one of the long-term Wild living downtown. Mikael may have been hanging around the young guys by choice and inclination at first but the more Mikko heard about what they got up to these days, the more it sounded like babysitting. That was always a tough transition to make.

"They'll have to shift for themselves eventually," Mikko said. "Especially if you move in with me this fall."

Mikael nodded sadly. "I like where I live, but it doesn't have you in it. And I don't think you'd want to move back."

"We'll talk about it this summer. Either way, we should be together."

They sat silently thinking for the rest of the flight.

  


Everyone on the Wild made it safely to the arena in time for Game 3, even if things looked chancy for the Jets' arrival for a while. The blizzard had stopped up everything right after the Wild's plane landed and it kept on going all weekend. This was the first game in front of the home crowd. They could feel the energy in the air. The anticipation of this game averted Mikko's thoughts from the constant tingling and discomfort in his guts. He was going to have to get that looked at after the playoffs. Right now, he had to concentrate on this. He looked a proper badass out there with the black eye and he was going to try to act like one too. The crowd was behind him, behind all of them, and he had to live up to their expectations.

The team did. Mikko didn't make much of a direct contribution; the Jets were expecting him to shoot and he had to work around them. He did contribute to two goals. He really felt the chemistry of this line; having Zucker on it with him and Mikael most of the year was great, but Zach contributed an entirely different, yet still effective, energy. It was like the old days again but, with Mikael on his line, it was even better. That was, until the third period, when Zach was sandwiched between two Jets. He finished his shift and tried another but he couldn't finish. The wind had been knocked out of the line.

It was after the game, and into the next day, when the team found out what happened to Zach; the news knocked the wind out of the entire team. Mikko skated in the optional skate because someone had to be. One of these guys from the bottom six would be on his line for the rest of the playoffs. They had two games left and he'd have to get used to new linemates again. It was sure that Mikael would be moved off to the first line. It was best for the team. Mikko liked the rest of his teammates, but nobody could replace either Zach or Mikael. Not anymore. Asking for Mikael to stay on his line would be an abuse of power, something he could have tried once, maybe, at the beginning of the season, but not now. Not when almost everyone knew that the captain was screwing around with his younger linemate. He'd just have to take whoever the coaches thought was best there. He'd been doing it all season, after all.

  


The lines as presented in the practice before Game 4 were workable. Mikko was back on a line with Zucks, but Mikael had been replaced with Jordan Greenway. Mikko didn't know Greenway that well. He'd only been on the team a month and had been shoved into a line without practicing with them on his first day, something that Mikko hated. He hoped that Greenway knew that Mikko's problem with it had been with the team and not with him. He was a good kid; but it should have been Kunin here, not a kid less than a week removed from university. There had been a lot of should-have-beens in this injury-riddled season. On the other hand, Greenway had finally scored his first NHL goal two nights before and it looked like an enormous weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Mikko would just have to encourage him to keep it up.

The line worked better than he thought it would, and the Jets left him alone for the most part. So it was indeed that Zach and his scoring was their main concern, and hitting Mikko was only done to prevent Zach from scoring. That's what Mikko got for having a big ego about his abilities; everything punctured at the last minute. He still couldn't get anything in himself, no matter how he tried. They were throwing everything at the wall and couldn't get any of it to stick.

The Jets' attentions were now on Staal's line, much to their detriment. The hits looked dirty. Eric got it in the neck. Mikael got it in the lip. Mikko tried his hardest not to show any agitation, tried not to avenge him, even when the cut on Mikael's upper lip started leaking blood again and he had to miss more time. His agitation was saved for after the game, after the Wild were shut out at home, after everything had fallen apart.

"We're going to be all right," Mikael whispered to him after the game. "There's one more chance for us to win."

"We both look horrible," Mikko said. "And feel horrible, I imagine. Our fortune...it's going to run out."

"Stop being a pessimist, Mikko. I know it's hard for you." Mikael smiled. "Believe in us."

Mikko wasn't sure if the "us" he was supposed to believe in was in themselves or in the team. He'd try his damndest to believe in both.

  


Mikko and Mikael were back together on a line for Game 5, with Nino. It was another odd combination of extremely familiar elements, but they'd all come to expect the unexpected by now. It was their last chance. It was their only chance. Mikko once again put everything he had out there, ignoring his pain, his discomfort, and his fatigue, and kept trying to get that puck in the net or to people who could get the puck in the net. He couldn't do anything, and he couldn't prevent the Jets from sneaking pucks past Duby, nor could he prevent them doing it to Al when he took Duby's place. He felt for both of them, the man he had known for years and the one who had become a friend over the past eight months, but he couldn't do anything. Nobody could do anything. The Wild lost 6-0 and returned home in exhausted despair.

Mikko went home with Mikael that night. They couldn't face the next day alone. Mikael closed the door of his apartment and started to sob, clutching Mikko tightly. Mikko found himself weeping in return, tears dripping into Mikael's hair. He didn't expect this loss to hit him so hard. This wasn't Mikko's first playoff loss and in his mind he knew it probably wouldn't be the last, but his heart was pouring out as if this was the final time. Their last chance at winning, their last chance together.

"The spell failed," Mikael gulped out between his sobs.

"No, it didn't, love. Look at us. Your cut healed almost instantly, so much that I can't even see where it was. And all I got out of those hits was a black eye. We may have not won, but we were protected. And we both tried so hard, even when things weren't going well, because we had the strength to go on."

"Mikko...it did fail, admit it."

"Who's being the pessimist now? I desired to be together with you and there's no doubt this brought us together, closer than ever. It made me want this all the time. After this summer, we're going to need to be together."

Mikael had stopped crying. "All I wanted was to win the Cup to make you happy."

"I have you, and that's all my happiness right now. It would have made both of us happy, but maybe the universe is trying to tell us that we don't need the Cup to be happy."

"I just feel like I failed. I shouldn't have thought that I could do serious magic during the season."

Mikko squeezed him. "Were you listening to me? You didn't fail. We're in good health and all our injuries are cosmetic. No broken hand like last year, remember? All those hits we took and gave this playoffs had such a chance of doing something like that, and nothing happened to either of us. The spell was for us. What happened to Zach had nothing to do with it. We can only control what we can control, all right? You did good work. And I see your apartment is spotless, too, so you're still doing magic successfully."

"I cleaned it by hand," Mikael said softly.

"That's sometimes the best magic," Mikko laughed. "I really know how to make a fool of myself, don't I?"

"I told you that's one of the reasons I care for you so much. You are so ridiculous." Mikael started laughing.

"And now I've cheered you up a bit, so let's get ready for bed now that we don't feel as awful as we did a few moments ago."

Mikael let go of him and moved towards the bedroom. Mikko followed him, slowly. He didn't feel that good yet, especially with his mysterious stomach ailment, but he wasn't about to tell Mikael that. It wouldn't be good for him right now.


	4. Chapter 4

They could have spent weeks in that space in the world that they had separated out for themselves; no responsibilities, no cares, just each other. But they knew they had less than 48 hours for that, and when Monday rolled around in the real world, the resumption of their march to the end of this defeated season would continue.

The bad news indeed came that Monday morning. Chuck Fletcher's contract hadn't been renewed. Mikko felt as if it was partially his fault. A man he respected was out of a job because of their—his—failure to win it all. There was no act that Mikko could perform that would ever be apology enough.

It was making Mikko's decision about going to Worlds pretty clear, though. He wasn't feeling right, ever since the start of the playoffs, and that would be a distraction from top performance. The firing made something else apparent. Mikko knew that a lot of fans accused him of caring more about playing for the national team than winning the playoffs. It was nothing close to the truth. In the early days of Mikko's career the Wild had nothing to play for after the regular season, so the honor of being named to the national team was there to help him feel a little less disappointed in the season. This year, the last few years, had been different. The Wild were making the playoffs every year. He had worn himself out in 2016 between the playoffs, the World Championship, and then that ridiculous World Cup of Hockey. It looked better to the fans if Mikko just stayed at home in 2018. In fact, he was going to stay right there in Minnesota and be there for any questions the Wild may have in their GM search. It would also deflect attention from him not going to Worlds if he wasn't in Finland for it.

Mikael was definitely going. He had been asked, and he was going to answer the call. His competitive spirit was still high, and like Mikko had felt in his younger years, this was the only way of keeping disappointment down.

They both were surprised, however, when Mikael was named captain of the national team. He deserved it and there was none better, in Mikko's opinion, but it was a bold move. The A's were the young up-and-comers and Mikko didn't know if he could have made it work if he had gone. Mikael had the right sort of personality to act as a bridge between generations, between coaches and players, and with the officials. Mikko, on the other hand, was just too tired this season.

The only problem with their Worlds decisions was that Mikael was in Denmark and Mikko was in Minnesota. It made it hard to communicate in real time with each other. It also made it hard for Mikko to watch the games. He had to figure out how and where to watch, and then the games were all on at the wrong times. Mikko was so tired already; adding tournament viewing to his schedule was only making it worse. He really needed to get himself checked out, but it would have to wait until after Worlds. He didn't want to make Mikael worry during this stressful, yet exciting, time in his career.

  


Mikko tried very hard not to give Mikael unasked-for advice when they talked to each other. Mikael was doing a fine job as captain, even though his line wasn't doing as well as the talent of its parts should have indicated. Rantanen was better than that during the season. Kapanen, on the other hand...perhaps someday. That was a thing you could say about a lot of the Leafs, but only one Leaf was of their mutual concern.

"For some reason I now have an extra watch," Mikael said to him on their call after the team's fourth game.

"You earned it. Don't think about giving it to me; everyone will know where it came from." Mikko was joking, but somehow he felt it wouldn't come through over the distance.

"I wasn't. I'll need to give you something better, something more impressive."

"You still make me pay for dinner most of the time."

"Not recently!"

It was true; Mikael had been paying for things a lot more since he and Mikko became a couple. "Let's see if you keep it up when we're together again. I'm enjoying it."

"Ha. My wallet, though...."

"You sign a big contract," Mikko said, "and you get the big responsibilities to go with it. Taking care of your darling, you know?"

"It's only even exchange for all the taking care of me you've done."

"You are acting like me a lot, I've noticed, especially on the ice. Same positioning, and the same penalties."

"I didn't even...oh, Mikko, have I? I did not notice!"

"Maybe you need to act more like Nate MacKinnon out there. It may wake Rantanen up. He's used to short centers, after all."

"I'm not used to being the short player anymore. The short player with all the responsibilities."

"If you want to act like me, put lifts in your skates. Be you; it works better."

"That's the advice I didn't want." Mikael sounded whiny. "But maybe it's what I need."

"You're doing fine, Mikael. You're better at this sort of thing than I'd be right now."

"Except for the whole dealing with your brother thing. He's coming for the next games."

"Don't be intimidated by Saku. You're a bit more scary out there on the ice, you know?"

"I'm not intimidated by his hockey reputation. I'm intimidated by his being my boyfriend's brother. Did you even tell him we're together yet?"

Mikael had caught him out again. "I didn't. I thought I'd wait until after Worlds were over. So I didn't have to worry him with something else again. I'm going to let him know! I'll let all of my family know. When we're both back in Finland, together, so it's for sure."

"Promise?"

"Yes. Have you told your parents or brother yet?"

This time he'd caught Mikael out. "No. Same reasons, except...I don't know if they'd trust me if I said the truth, that you didn't take advantage of me, that you waited and waited and waited for me to approach you first."

"Seven years of waiting for you, and I know it hurts because you waited this long, but I'm glad it happened this way. We're pretty equal now, after all. Both national team captains, both successful veteran players. Don't worry about your parents not accepting it."

"I can't help it."

"So now who's being the worrier? Don't borrow despair from the future. Concentrate on the team. We'll be together in July, just like we planned, and then we can get into all the family trouble."

"All right, Mikko. I'll try."

  


There was certainly despair in the future for Mikael, but it had nothing to do with his relationship with Mikko. It had everything to do with the Finnish national team's fifth-place finish. Mikko received agitated calls every day until their elimination. Mikael was unable to figure out what the team was doing wrong and he had no way of fixing it.

"It's not on you, it's on everything else," Mikko told him after it was all over.

"We didn't quite feel like a team, not like we had in previous years."

"I don't think that's your fault. The roster isn't what we had wanted—and, no, Mikael, don't dare say it's because I didn't go! Plenty of others didn't want to, or couldn't, or are still in the playoffs and can't go no matter how much they want to. You did your best, and what looked like what killed us was the second back-to-back."

"Goalies. It's always goalies."

"Next year, it will be better. Everyone will be a year older."

"Including us, and that's not going to help much."

Mikko chuckled. "Perhaps not, but also. Coaching change."

The implications of that were left unspoken. They both knew. Perhaps everyone in Finland knew.

"It's not good, you know. I'm still disappointed in myself. Blew both my chances at a championship this year."

Mikko couldn't tell Mikael that there was always next year. Mikko had missed the Olympics in 2014 due to his ankle injury, and then when the NHL didn't go this year, he'd lost his last chance. He should have ignored his pain and fatigue this time and went to Worlds, but there was no taking it back. There was no sense in lying. "I get it. But, you know, think of what Duby always says, yesterday's game is yesterday's game; and we have a great 2018-19 season ahead of us."

"Back to work for both of us, I guess."

"I know, training's no fun, but this is something that we'll definitely do together next year, right?"

"Right."


	5. Chapter 5

Mikko's trousers were too tight. There was no getting around it. He had been noticing that every pair he owned had been getting more snug over the last month, but he had chalked it up to his new fitness routine. It perhaps had been working too well. He had definitely not been skipping leg day, and whatever it was doing had apparently done most of its work in his thighs and ass.

Unfortunately, he couldn't just wear yoga pants to the press conference introducing the Wild's new general manager. This called for a certain level of formality, which involved actual trousers. He tried on every pair he could find in the house until he found one that wouldn't split in the seat when he sat down. They were a little tight in the waist, as well, which really shouldn't have happened with the new diet he was on.

He'd cut out all alcohol and all dairy and was going as gluten-free as possible. Some of that stuff just seemed like nonsense to him but other players he knew said it was great for longevity. It was worth giving it a try over the summer, but Mikko was very much looking forward to the cheat week he was going to have when he joined Mikael in Finland. The diet really wasn't making him very happy. He was tired all the time, too.

He was still tired when he arrived at the X. There was a schedule: go to the workout room, look like you're working out while Fenton shows up and makes nice, and then get dressed and watch the press conference. Zach and Ryan would be there too, for what it was worth; both of them were still injured, although Zach swore it didn't hurt that much to breathe anymore. Mikko didn't believe him.

Getting into his workout clothes refreshed him. He was going to need to order new clothes, as soon as possible, just so he had something to wear for the rest of the summer. His body would probably change again during the regular season. Mikko pulled his T-shirt on and winced as he pulled it tightly over his chest. His chest was so sensitive and some fabrics would irritate him. At least the pain in his abdomen had gone away, but now he had this new problem.

The media relations folks hadn't arrived yet, so Mikko got into working out in earnest. Ryan couldn't work out at this point and Zach wasn't there yet, so it was just him and a machine and the routine. He was starting to get into it when the circus came to town and he had to play nice for the cameras.

His first meeting with Paul Fenton went well; Fenton told a mildly funny joke, which Mikko smiled at, and then the cameras went away. Mikko knew that it would take a long time, if ever, to get any sort of working relationship with Fenton at the same level as he had with Chuck Fletcher. It didn't hurt not to antagonize him this early. Mikko could wait until the regular season to have his real personality show up.

The press conference went fine, although Mikko hated getting into his regular clothes again. He sat glowering at the stage and he knew that people would think it was because of what Leipold and Fenton had to say, instead of his personal discomfort. He couldn't help it, and he especially couldn't help that his expression always ended up looking like that when he was intent on listening. Americans smiled too much.

Mikko had to smile after, too, as both Zach and Ryan asked him how Granny was doing. The expectation that he'd know, when Mikael had plenty of other friends on the team who weren't Mikko, was slightly disconcerting. Of course he knew; they talked almost every day, but really didn't have anything much of import to say. Both of them were starting on offseason training, and they did the same sets of things every day. Mikael just did his same set of things with his brother.

"Everything's fine," Mikko said to them. "He's just disappointed about Worlds, but he's pretty happy for Nino. I am too."

"Switzerland surprised a lot of people," Zach said.

"Nino surprised me, but sometimes Worlds puts people into another gear," Mikko said. "Usually happens for me that way."

They nodded and talked about non-hockey stuff before they left. Mikko enjoyed seeing his teammates, which surprised him. He was usually back in Finland by now and didn't see the Minnesotans until he came back for camp in late August. Being with this new set of people was weird, but it felt right. He'd have to talk to Mikael to see if staying in the States was something he'd want to do the next summer.

  


The deeper it got into June, the more tired Mikko was. He began to think that he really had hit the wall of middle age. No matter how hard he worked out and how well he ate, he wasn't seeing or feeling much results. He had hit a plateau in his weight training and then had started to regress. He had gained at least ten pounds and it didn't appear to be muscle. His hips had widened even further and he had developed a slight paunch. Mikko had thought that the diet was supposed to have helped prevent that, but it had only made it worse. His chest had become even more sensitive to touch and sensation; it swelled to a point of softness and his nipples had become darker and larger. Mikko had bought looser shirts because the tightness of his normal wardrobe bothered him so much.

Mikko looked and felt old and tired and fat; and it was less than two weeks before he would go to Finland and to Mikael's family's holiday cottage. He didn't want Mikael to see him like this. He could only be hurt by the comparison to his young and handsome boyfriend. Would Mikael want him as a lover still? Their friendship couldn't die, it couldn't; but this, the intimacy, it definitely could.

It also felt like he had wasted two months of training. He had done all the right things but got the wrong results, much like this season had turned out for him and the team. Everything they tried was wrong, even down to that crazy spellcasting idea Mikael had. Perhaps that's where this turn of luck had all started. He would get everything checked out back home, after their week together. There was no sense in doing it now and pre-ruining his vacation.


	6. Chapter 6

Mikko was weary down to his bones as he stood at the door of Mikael's cottage. He had been traveling for ages and his skin itched so badly that he felt like tearing it off. The dry air on the airplanes had made yet another one of his new physical problems even worse. His feet hurt and Mikael was not coming to the door to let him in fast enough. He was getting pissed off and he knew very well it was irrational, but everything had him reacting over the top lately.

Mikael looked very concerned as he led Mikko into the cottage. "Is everything all right? Did you want to eat anything?" He was looking Mikko up and down and frowning. So the disappointment had already set in, Mikko thought.

"I do, but it should probably wait until after I get some sleep. I nearly fell asleep at your door. I think it's a bit late in the day, but I can't tell."

"That's what you get for spending the summer in Minnesota. Lack of appreciation for proper Finnish sunlight."

"It's what I get for pushing my way directly here. Why is this cottage so far north?"

"Because it's where my family is from. Why is yours so far south and why didn't we go there?" Mikael had a false whine in his voice.

"We wanted to be alone. And alone we are, at least for the next week." The cottage was small, but also surprisingly clean. It wasn't Mikael's cottage alone; it was a family venture, and some cousin of his had the use of the cottage immediately after them.

Mikael smiled. "I've been looking forward to this week since April. I'm so excited."

"Truly?" Mikko blinked. "You looked a bit surprised when I walked in."

"I'm worried about you. You don't look well."

"I don't feel well at all. I didn't want to make you worry, so I was going to wait until after this week to see a doctor."

Mikael shook his head. "And now I am worried despite that. Let's go to bed, Mikko. You need it, and I need to have you near."

"I'm sorry. After this week, I promise, I'll see someone." Mikko followed Mikael to the bedroom. Mikko knew that his fatigue had defeated him when he sat on the edge of the bed and was unable to take off his clothes. Mikael was very attentive and helped him get undressed, starting with his shirt.

"Ah, I thought you said you were doing that diet thing that Cully does," Mikael said as he looked at Mikko's chest.

"I did! It just didn't work for me. I'm quitting it after this week anyway and going back to my usual." His chest had expanded in the last two weeks, becoming even more soft. It bounced a little when he walked.

"Cheating on this diet this week won't harm a thing then. Now, get up so I can get your trousers off."

Mikko stood up and let Mikael unbutton his trousers and pull them down. He was too tired to be of much use.

Mikael's eyes widened as he saw Mikko's belly. "It's hot in here, you should probably sleep naked. And I want to see the rest of you, anyway."

"That bad, huh, but you still want to see me naked?"

"It's not bad, exactly. But. I am curious." Mikael pulled down Mikko's underwear. "How long has this little dark line been there?"

"What dark line?"

Mikael's finger traced down Mikko's belly from his belly button to the base of his cock. "This one here, not the hair, you've always had that; but the pigment."

"I can't say that I've noticed. But it wasn't there the last time you saw me naked, apparently."

"No, it wasn't. Now, get into bed. I have to run to town for something in the morning so if you find me gone, that's where I am. Stay in bed as long as you'd like. You're on holiday. Get some rest." Mikael kissed him and started removing his own clothes.

Mikko collapsed into the bed and almost instantly fell asleep.

  


The bed was indeed empty when Mikko woke up. He had no idea what time it was. He stretched and the bed squeaked. There was nothing like old cottage furniture to make one's self feel worn out and old.

Mikael entered the room. "I heard the squeak. Fifteen hours, Mikko! You have slept for fifteen hours. Now, before you head off to the toilet, there's something in there I want you to do while you're in there. And please, please don't laugh."

"I offer no guarantees. I need to see what it is first." Mikko stood up and walked to the bathroom.

"Don't be angry, either."

"Why would I be...oh." Mikko saw the stacked boxes of pregnancy tests on the bathroom counter. "You have got to be kidding me."

"I'm not, I wouldn't make a joke out of anything like this. When I undressed you last night, and the last thing I saw, well, and then what I saw this morning when I got up...please just humor me and piss on one of those sticks."

"All right, all right, but it's impossible."

Mikael sighed nervously. "It's not, that's the trouble. And once you do it, show me, and then do it again just to be sure."

Mikko had no idea how it could be possible. He knew his body and there were no organs in it that would make such a thing possible. But Mikael really was worried, and if he was going to blow his money on tests for the impossible, Mikko was going to do what he wanted just to reassure him a bit.

Mikko opened a test box, followed the instructions, and looked on in disbelief at the results. He opened the bathroom door a bit to hand the stick to Mikael, and did it all over again with another brand of test. He got the same result.

"Mikael..." Mikko exhaled. "I am sorry that I told you it was impossible. It appears to be shockingly possible indeed, and I don't know how."

The expression on Mikael's face was completely the opposite of the fear Mikko was feeling. It was of overwhelming joy. It looked like the vision that Mikko had of him when they had worked the spell before the playoffs. If Mikael was happy about this, if Mikko really was impossibly pregnant, shouldn't he be happy about it too? It just felt too weird.

"It was the spell," Mikael said. "It had to have been. I tried to focus during it, but then I started thinking about making you happy, about being happy together, about being a family. And I've wanted a baby, you know how I am about everyone's babies, but I had thought us talking about that was so far in the future."

"I wanted to settle down eventually too, but everyone I have dated recently before you wasn't into that. I felt like I was running out of time...then you came along and I was confused. But I also lost that focus on hockey during that spell, and just thought of, well, the same things. Us together as a couple, and you so very happy, like now."

Mikael nodded. "That morning, when I ran off before you awakened, it was because I had a dream. We were sitting by a fire, and I could hear children in the background, and I had my arm around you, and I was touching you in wonder because you were very, very pregnant, and I was so happy. But then I woke up and thought it was...something I shouldn't have wanted. It scared me a bit."

"I had the same dream, except I don't think I realized I was pregnant. So this is what we both wanted, truly." Mikko touched his belly. "Our mutual heart's desire. I'm going to have our child. It's so unbelievable."

"Not unbelievable. Amazing." Mikael put his hands on Mikko's belly. "I love you so much right now that I could burst."

"I...I do too. But this is going to change so much. So much. This season!"

"Well, I will definitely be moving in with you for good. You have more room for the nursery, and for, well, future expansion if we so desire." Mikael smiled happily.

"We just need to get through me having this one first. And I am so, so hungry right now, so I hope you have enough for a late lunch for three."

  


When lunch was over, Mikko felt he had time for questioning. "What made you jump to the conclusion that I was pregnant, yesterday?"

"A lot of things," Mikael said. "The confirming one was that line of pigmentation you had on your belly. That only shows up on pregnant people."

"But how did you know that was a thing?"

"I have a friend who is not at all modest, and she was pregnant, and she would both show and tell everyone she knew everything. I saw you like that and I remember seeing her at the beach, and...things matched up. Also, recall our shared dream."

"Yes." Mikko laughed. "At least now you know your magic works!"

"Our magic works. We, together, increase what we can do a thousandfold."

"So exact, huh?"

"I looked things up while you were asleep, things I should have known. A male friend of a friend had a child via a spell, but that one was done explicitly to conceive and bear a child. There's a doctor in Helsinki who specializes in magical obstetrics of this sort and others. I have her number. Make an appointment for as soon as possible. We can cut our cottage visit short if we need to."

Mikael being so assertive and take-charge was a definite turn-on. He really had grown in the last few years. "I'll do so. I assume I'll stay with you. Did Markus have plans for something to do while you were away, so we don't surprise him?"

"He's on holiday elsewhere for this week. When we get back, we do what we've been doing all summer: training."

"We're going to need to tell him, then."

"We're going to tell everyone in our families who needs to know. There's no hiding this from them."

There was going to be a whole lot of other subterfuge in their future, Mikko knew, but it was time to let everyone know what was going on. That was their original plan, and now they had absolutely no excuse.

  


"You know, I was worried that you wouldn't want me anymore when I showed up here looking like this," Mikko said to Mikael as they got ready for bed that night.

"I assumed something was wrong with you, other than normal aging."

"So you'll still be hot for me when I'm fat and old, huh."

"Yes. I've met your father, so I know what you'll end up looking like when you hit fifty. It's not a problem. I assume you'll be all right with me, too, once I've caught up."

"It will be too gradual to really notice, anyway. I worry too much."

"You still look worried, Mikko. What's on your mind now?"

"Is my pregnancy going to change how you feel about me? I'm already not that slim, elegant, athletic man you've had a crush on since you were, what, twelve? I'm something else."

"I can't lie to you." Mikael sat down on the bed next to Mikko and put his arm around his back. "It has. I'm finding it incredibly sexy."

"Really?"

"Really. The thought of you as you change throughout this, getting all big and full with my baby, it's really exciting. And I'm so lucky that I can say that I have a partner who is all the different things I find attractive, at different times. A few months ago, you were a hockey player on the pinnacle of his fitness. This week, you're a wonderfully curvy person about ready to start blossoming."

"So it's a two-for-one deal."

"Maybe more than two, depending on how you look after. I'm looking forward to it."

"I'm scared about it, to be honest."

"I can see why. If I were in your shoes, I'd feel the same way. If we had decided to flip positions that night, I'd be the one having the baby."

"You'd probably like that, wouldn't you?"

"I may. I'm just...really excited about this, and hoping everything goes well." Mikael smiled. "This is one of the best days ever."

"Move over, I want to lie down. I'm getting tired again."

Mikael got off the bed. "You're going to be tired a lot. You really need your rest about now."

"I'm also getting kind of aroused again. Maybe you want to do something about that before I collapse."

"Well, well. I could. Do you mind me playing with these?" Mikael brushed a fingertip over Mikko's right nipple.

Mikko shuddered. "They've never done much for me, except for now. They're kind of sore, though, all of it. Maybe tomorrow, there, when I don't feel so tired."

"It will be fun, I promise. Especially when everything is still so small. It's going to get bigger, you know, just like here with our little one." Mikael patted Mikko's belly.

"I feel kind of weird having sex with the kid in there, to be honest. But people do it all the time, so...."

"Yes, and we're going to be those people."

Mikko laughed. Mikael was being very enthusiastic about all this, and it was very easy for him to get caught up in it.

"I am very curious about one thing, though, and they never told me." Mikael had one hand on Mikko's cock, and he felt his other hand trying to explore somewhere behind his balls.

He spread his legs wider. "What's that?"

"Oh, where the baby will come out of. No worries there, I have found it." Mikael stuck one of his fingers into a weird spot, somewhere that Mikko hadn't realized he had even had a spot. "Oh, you are so wet there, too."

"What are you doing, and where are you doing it?"

"Is this another thing you forgot to mention so it wouldn't worry me, or was it something you were trying to ignore? I think a brand new hole would be something you'd know about."

"Are you saying what I think you are? I've got a pussy down there?"

"Yes, Mikko. I'd have thought you would have been the first one to figure that out."

"I don't exactly go exploring around there on a regular basis. I don't expect new parts to grow in me, but...I should have expected it."

"If you don't mind, I can explore it a bit further right now...I'd love to, in fact."

"I do mind. I have to think about this. What the hell is happening to me?"

"A lot. I'll cool off for now. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I just have a lot to sleep on, that's all."

"I understand. And we should both head there. You've drowned my hopes, as much as I'd like to drown in..."

"Mikke. Do not finish that thought, and shut up and let me sleep."


	7. Chapter 7

Mikko spent the rest of the week at the cottage sleeping and worrying. It was too hot to really get comfortable. Mikael had been hovering protectively over him and discouraging him from doing things that they had planned to do, like getting into a boat and fishing.

"It's not like anything's changed, Mikael. Even if I wasn't pregnant, I could still fall out of the boat and drown," Mikko said. "So could you."

Mikael only shook his head and patted Mikko on the hand. "I only want you to be safe."

That desire for safety even extended to everyday activities. Mikael had bought an ebook the day that they found out Mikko was pregnant and was reading it. He tried to get Mikko to do so as well, but there was still a sense of unreality about the pregnancy for him. Until a doctor said it to him, he still felt like it wasn't happening. It was very real to Mikael already, which is why Mikko found himself being gently pushed in bed every night to sleep on his left side, with a small yet formidable wall of partner behind him cuddling and making sure that he wouldn't change position.

"It's better for you and the baby to sleep on the left," Mikael said.

"It's hard to stay in one spot," Mikko grumbled.

"When we get back to Minnesota we'll get a pillow for you to make sure that you stay in position and be all nice and cozy when I can't be with you. Leaving you for road trips is going to be horrible."

Mikko hadn't thought that far ahead yet. He knew that the bulk of the season was going to be lost for him but he had assumed he was going to travel with the team. That was silly. They were going to hide this from the outside; it would be such a distraction for the team with the media covering his and Mikael's relationship and his pregnancy instead of the team's performance. He'd have to tell the team, though. Did he trust them enough to keep it quiet?

Mikael squeezed closer. "You're being so quiet. And you still don't like me touching you."

"I'm still trying to process this. It's a shock. I have no idea what's going to happen to my body, and I'm not sure I'm all right with all of it. And you keep getting closer to me, and you're like a little hot coal and I'm not getting comfortable. I wish you could store all this heat for the winter."

"I won't press you." Mikael loosened his grip and moved away slightly. "Just realize that nothing that will happen to you through this will make me care for you any less."

"That's not what I'm afraid of." Mikko went silent.

  


They had made the appointment with the specialist in Helsinki right at the beginning of the next week. Mikko had called his parents and told them that he'd not be back in Turku as quickly as he had expected, but should be returning as soon as possible. His father replied with only "Perhaps next time, you'll bring him along."

Of course his father knew that Mikko and Mikael were dating by this point, even if he hadn't come right out and told them. He'd never gone on holiday with only one teammate, much less return to a teammate's home after that holiday. He'd done that with past lovers, though. Mikko needed to start being better with his words, but there was still something blocking him from saying it. It was as if admitting it would open a gate of disapproval that neither of them would ever be able to shut.

Markus didn't look particularly surprised to find out that Mikko and Mikael had been sharing a bed at Mikael's flat, either. He had taken one look at the sofa, nodded in the direction of Mikael's bedroom, and smiled.

"What's that smile for?" Mikael asked him.

"If you were putting Mikko up in my bedroom, I assumed you'd have asked me for permission. Also, the place is clean." Markus turned to Mikko. "I hope he's sleeping better for you since he did all that work at the sleep clinic earlier this summer."

"I'll be honest, I can't say that I've noticed. It's not that we've slept together much previously," Mikko said.

"How long was it going to take you to tell me that you and Mikko were a couple? It's not like it hasn't been obvious, but I don't know how long you've been together." Markus shook his head.

"Since my birthday," Mikael replied.

"Ah, that explains much. You act like you've been together forever, but maybe it's because you've wanted to be together with him forever."

"He told me about his teenage crush this year, but I didn't realize he told you about it," Mikko said.

"Mikael never had to tell me. It was obvious then too. He had pictures of you up all over the place and it was more than just a hockey crush. I could tell. His eyes got that way when he watched you play on TV, the way he's looking at you right now, in fact. I had my favorite players too, but it was never like that."

Mikael blushed. "Yeah, the problem with having a brother just about my age is that we know everything about each other without even having to say anything."

"You know, maybe that's why we didn't say anything, because Mikael here just assumed you already knew."

"I did not assume! I just never got around to it until I had to, and now I have to."

"Why did you wait, though? I'm your brother, not someone who's going to make this relationship up into some sort of scandal. I assumed you pursued Mikko until he finally gave in."

Mikko nodded. "He actively pursued me for about thirty minutes, making up for the seven years he stood rooted on the spot."

Markus put his face in his hand and shook his head. "I tried to tell you, Mikke, anyone with eyes knew where you stood in regards to Mikko. The people who are going to make a big deal out of Captain Koivu taking advantage of his little protege are the same sort of people who keep saying he shouldn't be the captain anyway."

"I didn't think Mikko wanted you to know. He's really shy about this."

He indeed was. It wasn't what people in hockey thought, now that Mikko really reflected on it; Markus was correct. Everyone around them already knew what had been going on between them, or not between them, for years. It was the people who weren't around them every day or at all, people outside of hockey, who would be the ones calling for him to lose the C and perhaps even lose his place with the team. What little they knew!

"It is not that I did not want you to know. It is that I did not want anyone else beyond our inside circle to know," Mikko said. "I trust you to be quiet; but the more people know, especially now with what will happen, it may cause things that none of us want."

"Nothing is going to happen. Our family is going to know, so will yours, and I don't imagine anyone's going to have a problem with it," Markus said.

"Mikko, we're going to have to tell him now." Mikael looked his brother in the eye. "We performed a spell before the playoffs to give us luck, but the luck we got is not what we had originally planned for. We're here to see a specialist doctor, because we think Mikko is pregnant."

Markus blinked. "That's completely out of the scope of what you'd normally do. How did you manage that one?"

"We played with forces we didn't completely understand, and sometimes they give you what you don't even realize you wanted." Mikko touched his belly unconsciously.

"Well, Mikke. You ended up with the man of your dreams and the child of your dreams within, what, the space of a month and a half? That is exceptionally lucky, no matter how either of you want to state it."

Mikko looked at Mikael, and they nodded at each other. It was the truth.

  


The doctor visit was both better and worse than Mikko had hoped. Better, as they found out that Mikko was indeed pregnant and that nothing at all was wrong with the baby or the pregnancy; worse, as Mikko found out exactly what had happened to his body to make things that way.

The doctor herself was not the problem; she tried to calm Mikko as much as possible, reassuring him that although what was happening to him was very rare, it was not unprecedented. Most men who found themselves in a similar state had worked magic with that intent, but sometimes it happened to unsuspecting ones like him. Male pregnancy may have been a one-in-a-million thing, but his case was more of one in one hundred million or more. He had a referral to a specialist in Minneapolis, at least, and the knowledge that statistically there had to be at least three other guys in Minnesota who were also expecting.

With the knowledge that he was pregnant, however, this meant that his lifestyle would have to change. Mikael and his baby-book advice were correct about having to sleep on his left side. That wasn't the only thing. Mikko would still be allowed and encouraged to keep up his daily exercise, but the content and intensity of his workouts would need to change. Skating would not be on the list of things he should do until after the baby was born.

Mikael nodded solemnly when he heard this. "Everything's changing, isn't it, and...you'd be wobbly, Mikko; no sense in hurting you or our little one."

Mikko had to nod along. It was only what was best for both of them. But a hockey player off his skates was one step away from not being a hockey player, and there was only a year left on his contract after all this was over. The doctor said that there should be no reason at all he wouldn't be able to come back for at least a few late-season games if everything with the birth went smoothly but there were no guarantees. Mikko had never lost a season entirely to injury before. This would be the first time, even though the "injury" wasn't anything of the sort.

It was also true that everything was changing or had already changed. Mikko usually had started skating by the end of June and hadn't this year; perhaps he had, unconsciously, realized what was going on with his body and knew it wasn't a good idea. The irritating pain he had been feeling for most of April, May, and June was the sensation of existing bones, muscles, and ligaments moving around to new positions and new organs being created. The ultrasound not only revealed a normal fetus in a normal uterus, it revealed a normal pair of ovaries connected to the uterus and a normal birth canal.

The dream they had shared became too real when they watched the ultrasound. The baby Mikko was carrying was definitely real; it moved slightly in the womb, movements that Mikko was unable to feel quite yet. They had chosen not to learn the sex of the baby. There would be too many expectations for the baby from both themselves and others if they knew. Mikko knew his mother had wanted another granddaughter, and he was unsure how much he could deal with "grandma's little princess" talk; probably about as much as he and Mikael wanted to deal with hockey dynasty talk if people knew they were having a boy, which was none.

The rest of the reality came with the rest of the ultrasound. Their shared dream had contained more children and a far more advanced summertime pregnancy than this one. Mikko knew Mikael had wanted more than one child. His comments about Mikko's house having so much room weren't the only ones about it. Mikko wasn't so sure about it himself. In the abstract he had wanted a big family, but the big family he had always wished for had never involved his personally giving birth to all of the children. His body, however, was set up for the natural conception, pregnancy and birth of more than just the current occupant.

Mikko had to face the facts; he was getting old, old for hockey and old for children. Pushing on with playing hockey after 2020 possibly meant giving up the chance to have another child. Giving up the thing he had wanted more than anything in his life for the thing that he was coming to realize he wanted almost as much was going to be the hardest choice he would ever make. And what if the choice in either direction would be taken away from him? What if his post-pregnancy body couldn't perform on the ice well enough to keep an NHL spot? What if he couldn't have another child? There were too many paths, and all of them were confusing and horrifying.

Mikko found himself crying in bed that night. He had never felt that way before, overwhelmed and afraid. He put his right hand on his belly and willed himself to feel his child inside of him. He loved this little baby already, and it would be such a long wait to meet them, in late December or early January, with half the season done and not much time to get ready for it after. He cried even more.

"What's wrong?" Mikael whispered behind him. "Do you need me to do anything?"

"There's nothing you can do. I'm so scared. I've changed so much that I don't even feel like myself. I don't look like myself below the neck anymore. I don't know what I am."

"You're still yourself. You're so strong and so amazing and you're going to be just the same until the baby's born and even after that, and you are going to play again. I'll make you. We'll be on the ice together again sometime in 2019, or else."

"I want to try, but everything is such an unknown, and I feel so strange. I got an explanation about why I felt so bad this spring but now I appear stuck with what happened back then. It's weird. I got remade without realizing it, and...this is what I wanted, isn't it? What we wanted? Then why do I feel so odd about it?" Mikko sniffled.

"It's a big change. Of course you feel odd about it. I told you if the same thing was happening to me that I'd feel the same way. But you're excited, aren't you, just a little bit? You have a life inside of you, planted in you, and you're keeping it safe and happy. Our little sapling, rooted in our love, right?"

Mikael was correct. Mikko was scared, but he was also excited and even slightly looking forward to this new pregnancy adventure. There was just so much to do. "The only question is which of us trees the sapling will take after."

"Hopefully not a tiny twig! Worst of all possible combinations!"

Mikko laughed. "Powerful things can come from tiny twigs, I suppose. You should know. Your words are magic you don't even realize you're doing. Good night, love." He turned around quickly and gave Mikael a goodnight kiss.

  


Mikko was still as overwhelmed the next morning as he had been the night before. So many people would need to be informed of what was going on. The first people to find out—other than Markus, as he had already been informed—would have to be their parents. Mikko couldn't decide if he should call his parents with the news or visit them in person. He had planned on going home soon but this wasn't the sort of news that should wait, even a few days. He had waited on it long enough.

"My parents will be over for dinner tonight," Mikael said when he entered the kitchen, "so we'll tell them then. I told them I had important news, and I told them you were here. They should be able to figure out what's going on. The text reply didn't seem too distressed, so that's good news, isn't it?"

"Shouldn't you have asked me first?"

"Were you really going to say no? We're going to have to tell them. It's my relationship and my child, too."

Mikko wouldn't have said no, but it was the whole point of the thing. There was taking charge and then there was steamrolling all over him. "No, but we need to start having consensus over these things. If we can't talk and agree on this, we are going to have so many problems raising a child together."

"All right, next time it involves both of us, I'll ask you first. But you need to do the same thing. No avoiding doing things to spare my feelings, either."

Mikko nodded as he tried to remember what he had came into the kitchen for in the first place. Morning coffee. Morning coffee that he remembered he probably shouldn't be having. "We really need to pick up some decaf, but I'm not sure that there's much of a point in drinking it."

"Habit, that's the point. Maybe it will fool you into thinking you're having the real thing. And you've already had fourteen weeks of having entirely too much caffeine, especially during the season."

"Oh, all the headaches. I suppose I should taper off." Mikko had a sudden thought. "That is right. I was already pregnant during the playoffs. The magic must have really been protecting me and the sapling, to survive all those hits."

Mikael walked over to him and touched his belly. "The sapling had already taken strong roots, didn't you, little one? So strong, even when so new."

"You're already talking to them?"

"Why shouldn't I? You should, too. They're hearing everything you are, feeling everything you feel, doing everything you do. They're a part of our family already, and we should include them."

Our family. They were a family, even if one of them wasn't quite out yet, and Mikko was hopefully going to spend the rest of his life with the man who was currently reverently rubbing Mikko's belly and giving him the goofiest grin he had ever seen. Mikko grinned in response. That was why he had eventually fallen for Mikael in the first place; he never failed to get him to smile.

  


Mikko shouldn't have been as nervous as he was. He had met Mikael's parents before. There was no need for this. The two of them would go on as they were no matter if his parents approved or not. It would be so much easier on Mikael if they did, however. That was what Mikko's nerves and worry were about, really; not so much him, but everything around him that needed to be fixed and soothed and made functional.

Mikko had borrowed one of Mikael's shirts to wear during dinner. It would have been too small for him under normal conditions, and these were not normal conditions. The shirt was dark blue, which was the only good thing; it wouldn't show everything, just the outline and shape of everything. Wearing the shirt had been Mikael's idea. Mikael was so proud of what he had created and he had wanted to show it to everyone. Since he couldn't—and Mikko wouldn't have let him in the first place—making it obvious to the people he could show, like their families, was the best thing they could do.

"You look wonderful," Mikael said.

Mikko tugged at the hem of the shirt. If it rode up any more, skin would be visible and that was the last thing he had wanted to show. "You really think so?"

"I like seeing you like this. I know it's not your preference, but if you could dress like this later, when we're back in Minnesota, when we're alone, I would like it very much."

"It is not my preference to have everyone know I'm pregnant, correct." Mikko smiled. "But you already know, after all, and I'm not that modest in private. However, I don't want to borrow your clothes because everything is going to be too short. I have enough too-tight things of my own I can wear."

"It's not about the tightness, really. It's just that when I look at you, I want to see your lovely little bump, especially as it gets bigger."

"I never realized that pregnancy was such a turn-on for you," Mikko said.

"It wasn't," Mikael replied. "Only yours, and only you."

"At least I know your eye won't start wandering off, no matter what." It wouldn't, because Mikko didn't think that Mikael had taken his eyes off him if he could help it in the last two weeks.

Mikael had put his arms around him again and was snuggling up. Mikael hadn't been able to keep his hands off him either. "I have everything I want right here."

"Are you so sure of that?"

"I have everything that doesn't require the success of a team to have. I am sure of you, and our child, and there's nothing I can do about the rest more than I already have."

"That doesn't sound like you. There's always more to do on the ice."

"I can think about that later. Right now, all I can think about is us and tonight."

Not thinking about anything else is what landed them in this situation, Mikko thought to himself. He didn't dare say it. All he could think of himself right now was the fate of a team he wouldn't play for until early spring if at all in a season he would miss most of, and a contract that would be half-over before Mikko could do anything useful.

"I've been thinking a lot about tonight myself," Mikko finally said. "Your parents should be here very soon. Are you prepared for what you need to tell them?"

"Yes, but I thought you would help out a bit with that too."

"I will, but only to get you out of the hard corners. You can work your way through this far better than I could. The opponent is far more familiar to you."

"My mother and father aren't opponents, I hope."

"I hope for this as well." Mikko gave Mikael a grave look. "You needed to prepare for all eventualities."

Mikael bit his lip as his phone rang. "I did. It's their ringtone. They must be here."

Mikael's parents entered the apartment. They both hugged him as they walked past, but only nodded to Mikko. Mikael's mother's eyes widened when she saw Mikko; his father's eyes narrowed.

"You said you had something to tell us," Mikael's mother asked hopefully.

"I do, but we should really eat dinner first," Mikael said.

"He spent all day on it," Mikko added. "I didn't help him one bit. He's very proud of it."

They all looked at Mikko but no one got to the point of actually asking him what he was doing staying at Mikael's apartment until after they had eaten.

"What's Mikko doing here? Is there something wrong with the team?" Mikael's father asked.

"You're not planning on quitting hockey, are you? Has he come to talk you out of it?" Mikael's mother blinked nervously.

"Oh, no, it's nothing bad like that! It's all good news. He's here because," Mikael reached over and clasped Mikko's hand, "he will be with me, hopefully, for the rest of my life. We've been a couple since February."

His mother frowned. "He didn't insist you do anything, did he?"

Mikael shook his head. "I'm the one who asked, insisted, wanted, and I consider myself so fortunate that he said yes. All the pressure, if there was any, was mine. Nothing's changed with the team—either the Wild or the national team—because we're together. We just haven't told our teammates yet. Just Markus and you, so far."

Mikko remained silent. This was Mikael's negotiation to get through, his captaining of a vessel through dangerous waters. So far he was doing well but he hadn't reached the hard part yet.

"You seem a lot happier. You've seemed a lot happier all this summer, honestly. And I've never seen Mikko smile that much as I have tonight," Mikael's father said.

"Is there something else you need to tell us?" Mikael's mother stared at Mikko.

"There is, actually, which is why I had you come over here in the first place." Mikael grinned. "It goes with the first news. If all goes well, your first grandchild will be born around New Year's Day."

"You didn't do that," Mikael's father said, at the same time his mother said "I knew something about Mikko looked off."

"What?" his father said. "Wait, Mikko is pregnant? How did you manage that one?"

"Markus asked the same thing. Your oldest son has quite the talent for magic. Our spell for hockey success was for more than that; we asked for our hearts' desire and this was what it was. It will work out for the best." Mikko smiled and touched his belly. After all he had eaten at dinner, he really was showing.

"And to think he only learned magic so he could do his chores faster and get back to playing sports," Mikael's mother said. "If that's what this did, I think he loves you very much, Mikko."

Mikko nodded. All this love he felt in this room was very peculiar, but he would have to get used to it.

  


Neither of them could sleep that night. They were thinking too much.

"Mikko? I hope you weren't too overwhelmed tonight." Mikael came up behind Mikko in bed and squeezed him.

Mikko relaxed into his touch. "I was not. Only amazed that it went so well. You see, you had nothing to worry about."

"I think I may be overwhelming you again, and giving you something to worry about. You see, when I told them I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, it was a way of saying. Um. It was a very bad proposal, and this is also a very bad one, and I would like it very much if you would marry me." Mikael said this last very quickly, as if he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to say it if he said it slower.

"Marry you." Mikko took a deep breath. "Normally I would say there was no need, but considering where we will be living, what we will be doing, and if I end up never playing again...yes, Mikael, I will marry you, but not until after our child is born and there is no need to hide any longer. We will have to tell the world eventually but I would much rather tell them after the season than before, and then we can do it all properly."

"But why would you say no?"

"If there was no child and there was only you and me? It would not have been a no. But it may have been a later. We are going to be tied together for the rest of our lives by this child, no matter what happens. If we were living here permanently, that would be the only tie we need. But we need more of a legal tie than that."

"That's not quite what I asked." Mikael sounded angry.

Mikko didn't want to turn around to face him, and Mikael was still holding onto him, so he couldn't have been that angry. "I do, I do love you, please know that. It needs nothing to make it official."

Mikael sighed. "But it will be very nice to do so, next summer."

"Yes, next summer. And I have a little overwhelming thing of my own to ask you. I've decided to go home in two days. I want you to join me, but only after I've told my parents. I have realized I am far less sure of them than I was before tonight."

"All right, so join you in four days?"

"Yes. Then we can be at my place, all alone, and we can finally make love properly again."

"Properly?"

"With no one to hear, and then I think I am ready for you to touch me where I would not let you before."

"Ahhh. I can't wait. Again."


	8. Chapter 8

Mikko parked his car outside his parents' house. He unhooked the seatbelt and carefully fed it back into position, lifting it out and up from under his belly and atop his lap. Even the process of driving had changed for him in the past week. He wondered if Mikael would put up a fuss about him driving once they got back to Minnesota. Just because he was his boyfriend—no, partner—no, _fiancé_ —Mikko seemed to remember that he had said yes to marrying Mikael, while groggy and depressed in the middle of the night—Mikael seemed to think he had a bit more control over Mikko than he should. It was worry about the baby, Mikko knew, but there was such a thing as being overprotective. Things would be fine. This little trip home was Mikko's way of gaining control over himself back.

His mother let him in; the house was quiet. Too quiet for Mikko's tastes; it was the weekend and some sort of sporting match should have been on the television.

"Dad's not home, I take it," Mikko said.

"He'll be home later. He knows you're coming. Why are you alone? We didn't expect you to be." His mother looked concerned.

"I needed...I needed to be alone. Alone, and then with you and Dad, that kind of alone." Mikko felt as if his heart was breaking.

"Oh, Mikko, is everything all right? It can't possibly be, your eyes are wet. Did someone hurt you?" His mother hugged him.

Mikko let the tears flow. "Nobody's hurt me, but...things aren't quite all right. Mom, I'm scared, I'm going to have a baby at the end of the year and it's just so much."

His mother continued to hold him in a hug. "It's going to be a long story, isn't it, and it's all right to cry. It's completely understandable why you would be crying. It's always a shock to find out, you know? Even when you've been trying to get pregnant, and I don't think you were. Come, let's sit down."

Mikko followed her into the living room and collapsed on the sofa next to her. "It's not that long of a story. No, Mikael and I aren't fighting. Yes, we're together, you and Dad inferred that correctly. Yes, we're getting married, probably next summer. He'll be here in a few days. And, yes, he's the one who got me pregnant, and no, we weren't trying."

"So what sort of magic did you do, then?" She squeezed Mikko's hand.

"It was a heart's desire spell that Mikael thought would give us luck in the playoffs. You know how it is with hockey players. We had assumed our mutual hearts' desire would have been the Stanley Cup. Well, we were wrong. One in one hundred million chance of this sort of thing happening, I was told."

"So you, being pregnant with Mikael's baby, that was your secret desire?"

"It could have ended up the other way. We...this isn't the sort of thing you tell your mom, but it was more of a coin flip. We're meant to be together and we're meant to start a family. I'm the blessed one. I have less career to lose to this, so thank goodness it was me." Mikko gave her a wan smile and put his free hand on his belly.

She returned a much brighter smile. "You're already doing that unconsciously, aren't you? Touching yourself there to see if it's real, being protective?"

Mikko nodded. "I don't even notice I'm doing it most of the time. They didn't tell me this at my prenatal visit."

"There's a lot they don't tell you. There's a lot those baby books don't tell you. There are things only other people who have been through this can tell you, usually your mother."

"The baby books have told me a lot. Or they've told Mikael a lot; he keeps nagging me to read them but everything he reads out of them is scary and a big list of 'no.'"

"Ah. But you know you can ask me anything you want, and I'll tell you anything you want. When I was pregnant with you, you know, I was hoping for a girl. Not that raising Saku, or you, wasn't good for me, but there's something about having another girl, then woman, around."

"I noticed how you were when you had the first granddaughter, so I can see that. I'm not offended. I understand."

"I know you're still a man, no matter what, but this is an experience I had wanted to share with a daughter. And I'm very glad I get to share it with you. I only wish you'd be here for the entire pregnancy."

"I wish that too, but Mikael is off to Minnesota and I should be there. I haven't told the team yet but I assume the Wild will still be paying me to play. I should be off IR eventually this season. I hope."

"I'm only a phone call, or text, or plane flight away, Mikko. Just let me know when you need me."

"I will be bothering you nonstop." Mikko laughed. "I have no idea what 'normal' is for me, and it will turn out to be nothing when I call, and you'll laugh at me."

"I will, but that's a mother's job. To keep you safe and to reassure you. You have about five months to prepare for it yourself."

"But when they're that small, it's a little bit easier job. Feed and keep close and keep clean."

"You're thirty-five and your brother's almost forty-four and sometimes I think I'm still doing that with both of you."

"That's because the best food is always made by your mother. Everything is best when it comes from your mother."

"Yes. I need to go out tomorrow and get something for you, and you probably shouldn't be with me when I do because then everyone will know you're pregnant."

"What's that?" Mikko was confused.

"That shirt you're wearing looks uncomfortable, especially on top. I need to pick up something for you that should fit better. And there's something else with that, and you're really going to need it soon. Yes, you need a bra. Or several. I'll try not to offend your masculine sensibilities, but you can't be very comfortable like that. Sweaty, bouncy, ow, correct?"

"Yes, Mother," Mikko sighed. "I hadn't thought of that, but I should have. It's not something I wanted to think about."

"Think about what?" Mikko's father had arrived home.

"Mikko has some news for us," his mother said, "but it is best said while everyone is sitting down."

Mikko's father sat down. "If I have to sit, it isn't good news."

Mikko put a smile on his face. "I think it's good news, at least. Mikael and I are a couple, we're getting married next summer, and I'm having a baby around New Year's Day. That's my news, delivered quickly."

"I was correct the first time. That's not good news. What did you two think you were doing? Not being together, that was bad enough, but you're both old enough by now to know how to handle that so it doesn't mess up the team. But how could you possibly think of getting pregnant when you're still under contract?" Mikko's father was as angry as Mikko had ever seen him.

"He didn't mean it. They were doing a spell for success in the playoffs and it wasn't as clear as it should have been," Mikko's mother said.

"That's even worse! You should know better not to do any hockey spells. It's about the integrity of the game, Mikko!"

"It wasn't about affecting the outcome of the game. It was about making us feel better and not get injured and as far as I know, that part worked. We both know plenty of players who have done that sort of thing. We weren't trying to cheat." Mikko wasn't used to having to raise his voice to his father, but he was also angry.

"You both should have thought this through better. You both should stick to hockey. I also know plenty of men who have tried to do hockey magic, and failed to their peril. They're not my stories to tell, but they're out there. And now you're going to miss a season for this." His father was standing his ground.

"I know I should have paid more attention but I trusted him. I still trust him. And if I was offered the chance to go back and not do it, I wouldn’t, because I want this child more than anything I’ve ever wanted before," Mikko shouted. "I know I'll miss most of this season. My child is more important than anything right now!"

His father blinked a few times and took a deep breath. "I'm trying not to be angry at you. I want to be supportive. You wouldn't be this irate if you weren't serious about all of this, your child, your partner, everything."

"I fully intend on coming back to play at the end of the season if possible and definitely will be playing out the end of the contract. Anything after that is up in the air. Mikael's contract is up then too, and we have plenty of decisions to make. But the decision I've made to have this child is final."

"As long as you've understood the consequences," his father said.

"I've done almost nothing in the past few weeks but think about those consequences. I understand them. There are consequences no matter what. If I give hockey up for this season, I miss the chance for one thing. I will have some regrets, but giving this up would be even more of a regret. I know what I'm doing. Please, trust me. I love Mikael and I love this child and we will get through this. I just want this news not to escape this family. Only the people I tell will know until we're ready for the world to know. It will come, but we just need to get through this season without drama."

"Trust Mikko. He's an adult. They're both adults. We do need to support him," Mikko's mother said.

"I don't need you to be happy yet. I just need you to understand and not to rip Mikael's head off when he comes here in a few days. If you think I took advantage of him, you're wrong; he's the one who approached me and it took him until this year to do it. I've already been trying to juggle my feelings and our working relationship and we've managed. Just give us a chance. Please." Mikko had felt his mood rapidly shift from anger to frustration to sorrow. He could cry in front of his mother, but he couldn't bring himself to cry in front of his father.

"I'll try. I just wanted you to admit what was going on with you two. You weren't good with words. I like that young man. I think he has been, and will be, good for you. I'm not sure you understand the impact on your career yet, but I will be fair to him. He's a part of our family now, no matter what, I suppose." Mikko's father's voice was calmer. He had always been quick to anger and quick to settle after; this was no exception.

Mikko was also much calmer. "It was hard for me, but I'll try to be better about letting you know what's going on. I promise." It was the same promise he had made to Mikael, to be more open and less secretive to the people that he loved. He would try his hardest to hold to it.

  


Mikael's arrival several days later was very welcome to Mikko, considering his mood. His father had stopped showing his anger but Mikko still thought he felt disappointed. The disappointment was understandable, somewhat, but the more Mikko thought about it the more he found it odd that his father had been just as invested in his hockey success as he was. It was that Cup that he'd never won, Mikko supposed, even though Saku hadn't won it either. His father would just have to take both brothers' success in international competition. And just because Mikko was going to have a baby during the season didn't mean the Wild would never make it all the way while he was under contract. Mikko was going to refocus on the things he could control.

Mikael at least looked happy to see him. Mikko had worn the things his mother had gone out and bought for him; they were just an ordinary stretchy pullover bra and maternity T-shirt, but wearing them indeed made him feel better. The shirt was still a bit too short; he'd looked online and found a few places selling pregnancy wear for men. He would order them when he was in Minnesota. Right now, what he was wearing seemed to meet with Mikael's approval if his grin was any indication.

"I can see everything! I think our little sapling has got a tiny bit bigger since I've seen you, and them, last." Mikael's hand went immediately to Mikko's belly, as it had every morning since they found out Mikko was pregnant.

"I think you're right. Not that anyone would notice if they weren't looking, and you're always looking."

Mikael kissed him. "I can't help it."

"I'm the afterthought for the main attraction, eh?"

"No, you're always the main attraction. Always and forever. You just have a few more points of interest, which I am looking forward to visiting sometime today."

Mikko drew him into an embrace. "Don't forget to pay the admission fee."

Mikael snuggled into him. "Is this it? And is the attraction opening soon?"

"Mmm. Yes, this is it. Right now, I think I can be open for you all day."

"Really?"

"I can't believe how much I've missed you. Yes. But I'm going to be controlling the ride, if you understand me."

"I do. I won't do anything you don't want, you know this."

Mikko ran his fingers through Mikael's hair. "It's going to take some getting used to, my body like this; it's difficult but we'll take it slow today."

"How slow is slow? Mikko, I want you now."

"Slow when we start. I want you now, too. Let's go." Mikko pulled out of their embrace and grabbed Mikael's hand.

Mikael looked at everything in the place on the way to the bedroom. Mikko had thought he had visited him before sometime in the seven years they had known each other, but perhaps he hadn't. It wasn't recently, though, if he had. Mikko felt bad. He should have invited him to stay at one point. He knew perfectly well why he hadn't. It would have led them to this place in their relationship, in bed together, desperate, long before either of them were ready for it.

"You have so many pictures of us in here," Mikael said.

There were enough pictures of Mikko with other teammates from both the Wild and the national team around, but he couldn't deny that there were more pictures of him with Mikael up, just the two of them together, than there were of Mikko and just one other person. He'd scrubbed the place of pictures of his exes every time there was a breakup, but he'd never removed any pictures of the men he'd played with. He just seemed to have put up another picture of him and Mikael when he'd taken the others down.

"That's so charming, Mikko, you've also put one up of us at your bedside. You really couldn't be four days without me." Mikael reached up to give Mikko a quick peck on the lips.

Mikko honestly hadn't noticed the picture was there. "To be honest, I put that there last summer. It just seems like a part of the room. You've been in my heart that long, or longer, I suppose, and I never realized it or admitted it to myself."

"Is that why you never invited me here until now?"

"If I took you in, I never would have wanted you to leave. I wasn't ready for that. We both know I am now. I am ready." Mikko started taking off his clothes.

Mikael gulped; his eyes widened. "I can see that." He undressed as well.

Mikko let Mikael take the lead, responding to his touches and movements in ways that he had not expected. He was not ashamed of his new parts in the light of day, and Mikael was respectful and desiring, which pleased him. They fit together so well, it was like the magic had made it that way. Perhaps it did. Mikko, after it was done and he was coming down, did not mind a bit.

  


Mikko felt sufficiently courageous that evening to start making the important phone calls about his career. His first call was to his agent to let him know what was going on; his agent had no good advice. He only represented men's hockey players and there was no precedent for Mikko's situation. The closest he had to good advice was for Mikko to call his team's union representative. His agent would notify the team the next day.

Of all the teammates Mikko had imagined telling first, Duby was at least one of them. He was a good man to have in one's corner for anything the team or league may do against a player; he'd been a voice for the league's goalies for their complaints about the pants changes. He'd do what was right. Mikko texted him to ask him to call him when he was free. He received a call about a half-hour later.

"Ah, Mikko, what's up? You said it was important." Duby sounded slightly distracted. Mikko could hear children in the background.

"It is. Are you by yourself, not in public?"

"Not by myself, my wife and kids are here, but I'm at home. So, personal business involving my role as rep, needing privacy. Is everything all right? You're not in legal trouble or anything like that?"

"No, not legal trouble. Or trouble, unless you consider some things to be trouble." Mikko took a deep breath. "I have news that is hard to believe but true. I am pregnant, due around New Year's Day. My agent said to call you first before the team just in case we have some sort of dispute over my contract, so I am covered and the union knows."

The other end of the line was silent for a while. "I wouldn't have believed the news out of anyone else, but your sense of humor doesn't bend in that direction. Well, you and your agent probably know that pregnancy isn't exactly covered in the CBA. I'd imagine that they're going to handle it the same way they do with any other medical condition that isn't an injury. I don't think they'd invalidate your contract over it. Especially since...I know you've got to do spells to get pregnant, but you don't sound like you planned it."

"I didn't. Accidental consequences of another kind of spell. The universe wanted me to have a baby, I think."

"Oof. You don't seem down about it, though, that's good."

"We're not, we're actually quite happy about it. It is a problem for the team more than it is a problem for us."

"Who's the lucky other parent? I don't recall you mention seeing anyone over last season."

"That's actually more of a problem than the pregnancy, I think. Um, it is...you know him, I hope it does not make trouble. Granny and I, we are together, have been since February, but we wanted to keep it quiet for a while. Until now, that it cannot be quiet to the team. We are not telling the outside."

"Honestly, Mikko? I think we already sort of knew. We were waiting for one of you to tell us. You've been hanging around with each other more than usual, and you were really secret about something after Granny's birthday deal and Granny wasn't talking to Brods or Matt about why he wasn't hanging around with them all the time and...yeah."

Mikko nodded even though he knew Duby couldn't see it. "And he tells them everything. I really hope this doesn't screw with their friendship. He's not mentioned anything to me, only being so delighted to be with me again."

"I bet he's really happy about this. He loves everyone's babies so much."

"There are no words for how happy he is about our baby, about me, about us together. Just seeing him so happy makes me happy, and thinking about incredibly lucky I am that he chose me to be his partner."

"I'd never thought you to be the romantic sort, Mikko. Especially about a teammate, but you two...like you said, it seems like the universe wants you together. Not sure the press and the fans do, though."

"Yeah. I am definitely not sure. We're heading back to Minnesota in a week or so; I've got my second prenatal visit with the doctor that handles magical obstetrics out at the U, and I figured I should tell every teammate I know in person as they start coming back. We'll have to think about how to tell the new guys, but we have plenty of time for that."

"I'll help you out with that, no problem. Hey, if you're going to be back that early, I'm going to send you some other stuff that you're going to find helpful. Pregnancy stuff. I hope you guys are keeping notes about it, about everything that's going on, because you're going to wish you had it when your first is a little bit older. This should help."

"Thanks in advance. It's hard to believe that this is real, still, so I haven't been keeping track...if Mikke is keeping track he hasn't told me. But considering everything else, he probably is."

"Just ask him. Tell him I said hi. I assume he's there?"

"Yes, he gave me my privacy for these calls. He was cleaning up after dinner." Mikko couldn't hear any noise from the kitchen, but he did hear the low sounds of a television.

"Ah. Well, I'll see you both at the end of August, probably. You're going to be...what, five months pregnant by then? Wow."

"Yeah. Wow. I already feel and look weird. But yes, I'll see you then. Have a great day."

"Same to you." Duby hung up.

That went better than Mikko thought it would have, but it only served to underline just how much work he had to do before the season started.

He put his hands on his belly. "Well, sapling, that was our goalie. You'll like Duby when you meet him. I hope he likes you. I hope everyone likes you."


	9. Chapter 9

Everything Duby had told Mikko about his contract situation was indeed true. Mikko would start the season as an injured non-roster player because his condition had started before his training camp physical, which he would never hope to pass no matter how fit he was. How Mikko would be treated by the Wild as a non-roster player was not codified in any agreement. They had agreed that he would have use of the training facilities; but he did not have to travel with the team, nor would he be required to attend home games. His privacy would be respected and they would not reveal what his injury or illness was without his consent. His intention to attempt to play during the 2018-19 season would be supported in full.

Mikko was doing his modified pregnancy workouts in the fitness room of his own home in Minnesota. Mikael had watched him a few times at first and worked out with him a bit, but it was clear that it wasn't good for Mikko as he tried to match his intensity to Mikael's. Mikko's workouts weren't simple by any means but they were designed to keep his baby safe, not as much to keep him at full athletic performance. It was frustrating to not be working all-out but Mikko resigned himself to it. He'd be back to his full intensity soon enough. 2019 seemed both a brief time and an eternity away.

He had left for Minnesota as soon as he could, before people knew he was back home, before the players he was supposed to have been training with that July and August would have started coming around his house instead of sending him increasingly insistent texts. He hadn't realized that Pate Laine would have been genuinely disappointed not to be working out with him this summer. Mikko supposed he would have to just drown his disappointment in some long Fortnite matches. Mikko preferred to get his frustrations out by training, which he couldn't do, which just made him more frustrated. He was also frustrated because he had promised to play in a charity event that month that Saku had a hand in organizing and then couldn't do it; he couldn't even make an appearance. Saku understood, of course, as he was almost as enthusiastic about Mikko's baby as Mikko was; but not being able to tell anyone else why Mikko was dropping out of the event made things hard for him.

He'd explained his frustrations to his new obstetrician on his first visit to her. He couldn't do intense workouts; he couldn't skate; his need for privacy made it hard for him to leave the house without making absolutely sure his ever-growing bump wouldn't show; and his partner was too busy getting ready for the season to pay complete and devoted attention to him.

She had no good solutions for him for any point but the last. It was jealousy, pure and simple; Mikael could leave and do all the things that Mikko couldn't do, all in pursuit of a job that Mikko wouldn't be able to perform for months. When Mikael was there, he was as devoted a partner as any expectant parent could ask for; perhaps too much of one on occasion. It wasn't his fault. None of this was really anyone's fault. Mikko would just have to endure it.

It was strange to say that it was currently a situation that required endurance. Perhaps later in the pregnancy, it would be more of a grind, with Mikael gone on road trips and Mikko's physical condition changing. Right now, when Mikko wasn't having any trouble, it was more like yelling at fluffy clouds. He didn't have to do anything outside of exercise and prenatal visits. He could sleep whenever he wanted, as long as it was on his left side and using the enormous body pillow that could be pushed into practically any shape he desired. He could eat whatever he wanted, but didn't have any cravings and was eating the same as he had the previous season. It was just that he couldn't get ready for that season. That's what Mikko really wanted.

What he was doing in his downtime was trying to fill out the pregnancy journal that Duby, or more accurately his wife, had sent him. The first entry Mikko put in was for that week, with his first prenatal visit in Minnesota where he heard his baby's heartbeat for the first time; but he had over twelve weeks to fill in for the time he didn't realize he was pregnant, and then the month or so before he had received the journal. There was a lot to remember, and a lot to plan for going forward. The little journal would be useful in the future. The sapling would know their story of growing. Mikko could refer back to it and know the signs when he would be pregnant again. He caught himself; he was already thinking "when" instead of "if" for the next child. He had to get through having this one first!

  


Mikael had been doing his ice training with some of their teammates who had remained in the Twin Cities for the summer. He and Mikko had realized that they needed to start telling them about what was going on sooner than later. Mikael would invite them over privately, one at a time. The address he gave them would be the first indication that things had changed. Mikael wouldn't tell them why until they arrived.

Mikael invited Zach over first. As one of the alternate captains, Zach would be the first to have Mikko's team responsibilities dropped in his lap. The others weren't in town yet.

Mikko was nervous about this first meeting. They had decided to run it the same way they had with Mikael's parents. The questions would hopefully arise at dinner from their guest's observations. Mikko, at eighteen weeks pregnant, was definitely showing more obviously than he had a month before. His new shirts to wear at home were at least long enough. Their other important news would also be evident. They couldn't keep their hands off each other. Mikko shouldn't have been surprised about how horny he was, considering that was covered in all the baby books, but reading it was different than feeling it. He hadn't felt like this since he was a teenager.

They were at the door together to let Zach in when he arrived. Mikko opened the door to let Zach in. "Glad you could come over for dinner."

Zach stared at him for a few moments before saying something. "That's a lot of weight to put on in two months. Are you okay?"

"Yes, yes; never better, actually." Mikko beamed at Zach.

Mikael had closed the door and put his arm around Mikko's waist when he came up behind him. "He's exaggerating a bit, but I know he feels great. He keeps telling me."

"Then why isn't he skating with us?" Zach asked as he stared at them.

"That's one of the reasons we invited you over for dinner," Mikko said. "It's ready, so let's go eat."

Zach continued to stare at them during dinner, saying very little. He also kept looking around the room, at the ceiling, into corners. Mikko couldn't figure out what Zach was looking for.

Zach's expression turned serious. "All right, guys, you can quit with the prank. I expected this out of Mikko but I sure didn't expect it out of you, Granny."

"What prank?" Mikael asked.

"I reserve irritating jokes for the rink, Zach, not in our own home," Mikko said.

"So Mikael really did move in with you?" Zach asked. "I thought something was weird between you at the end of the season, but you didn't say anything. And of course I didn't ask, so I'm asking now. Are you a couple?"

"Yes, we are. We've been one since the end of February. And, yes, we intended to tell everyone before this season started, but we didn't want to say anything last season because we were afraid it would mess with the playoffs," Mikko said.

Mikael laughed. "You were afraid it would mess with the playoffs."

"I know, and that was probably foolish. And it wasn't that much of a secret, I see. I tried to hide it but enough people seemed to have figured it out. I didn't realize that I was that obvious."

"Well, not that obvious, if I had to ask. And we were all on the same line, too, you'd think I'd have figured it out," Zach said.

"See, our relationship didn't mess up the team chemistry," Mikael said.

Zach nodded. "Actually, I think it helped. You two are so able to read each other's every move on the ice. After watching you tonight, I'm thinking you read each other well off it too."

"We try," Mikko said. "We'll get better at it as the years go on. It's not even been six months for us, yet."

Mikael smiled and touched Mikko's hand. "It feels like forever. It's going to be forever."

Mikko looked at him. He hoped the love he felt showed in his eyes. "I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else, now."

"I didn't expect you two to be so goopy over each other," Zach said. "I've known you both for, what, five years? That's not something I've seen before."

"We didn't expect to be like this over each other either! I didn't even know if he was interested until February," Mikael said. "But it was something that was worth waiting for."

Zach looked up at the ceiling again. "Well, I definitely believe you're into each other this much. But, Mikko, are you sure you're still not putting me on over something?"

Mikko frowned. "No. We have you over to tell you things, like about our relationship, and about something else big that's going to affect our season. You're the second person to know; we're getting everyone over individually, but I had to call Duby about it last month. So he knows already."

"So you do have something serious going on. If I didn't know better, after seeing you at the door, I'd swear you looked pregnant. Which is why I thought you were pranking me."

Mikko touched his belly under the table. "It is serious, and I'm glad it was that obvious to you when you saw me. The baby's due at the end of the year. I won't be able to play until at least March, and that's if everything goes well."

Zach looked like he was calculating something in his mind. "That meant you got pregnant sometime in April. And I know you don't do anything magical, Mikko. What were you two up to?"

Mikael smiled. "Trying to get the luck and stamina to win us a Cup. Our heart's desire turned out to be a baby, not a Cup. I can't say that we're not happy with the result."

Mikko nodded. "I feel bad that I'm dumping this season on you and Sutes, Zach, but I wouldn't give this up for anything. No, not even a Cup."

"You still have next season, Mikko, or even the end of this one. Don't give up." Zach grinned. "We're sure not going to, and Granny is going to work his ass off to get you one, I bet."

"Get us one. Me, and Mikko, and you, and the rest of the team. And we can stick the kid in it on our Cup day."

"I'm not that superstitious but maybe we shouldn't jinx it this much in advance." Mikko shook his head.

"So you don't know the gender yet?" Zach asked.

"Of the Cup? Oh, the kid. No, we decided not to find out. If it's a boy, we'd be drowned in hockey legacy nonsense even before it's born," Mikko said.

"Besides, surprises are more fun. Everything about this has been a surprise, and it's been fun. For me at least; Mikko may have something different to say."

"It's been interesting," Mikko said. "And sometimes it's been annoying, and it's also been fun at points. What it's been has been overwhelming."

"The first kid is like that," Zach said. "And at least it's not two."

Mikko rolled his eyes. "It's been weird enough thinking one little person is in me right now. I don't know what I would have done if it had been two."

"Thankfully, that was my wife's to deal with, not mine," Zach said.

"Maybe all men should try it," Mikko said with a wink at Mikael. "A little thirty-eight to forty-week endurance trial, nice prize at the end, too."

Mikael leaned over and kissed Mikko on the cheek. "I'm content to cheer you on from the sidelines for now."

"I'm rooting for both of you. Congratulations. It's going to be an awesome experience and if either of you have any questions about the whole thing, I'll be here for you. Is it all right if my wife knows?"

"Sure, it is, as long as she knows not to tell anyone outside of the team. We don't want this to leak to the press. The team is handling it for us, as well, and we are going to tell the world when we're ready. We don't want the press to descend on the team and bother us. We know this is the first male pregnancy in North American sports, and the whole situation is going to look like a giant mess." Mikko sighed.

"I hope the rest of the guys are going to be as into it as I am. Duby's on board with it too, right?"

"So on board he and his wife have already sent Mikko some gifts. They've got him writing everything down in a book so he doesn't forget being pregnant."

"It's hard to forget, but there are so many little details I realize now that I want to remember. Like this dinner, tonight. Thanks, Zach. Your support really does mean a lot to us. Maybe it won't be as hard as I think it will be once all of this comes out."

Mikael looked at them both with a worried expression but didn't say anything. It was odd having Mikko be the optimistic one in this situation, but Zach's attitude about life was contagious and Mikko was feeling an emotional high right now. It was true; with teammates in his corner, Mikko thought that he could conquer anything. He just had to conquer a bunch of small, intimate dinners with friends before the beginning of the season.

  


The rest of Mikko and Mikael's little gatherings went well. As teammates trickled in, they were invited over, allowed to ask questions, and go home well-fed with food and information. Nobody had been displeased with their relationship, although some of them hadn't picked up on the hints during the season and Mikael's particular friends were irritated that he hadn't told them first.

The pregnancy was a different matter. All of them were happy about the child, but not all of them were happy about Mikko missing time. The Wild front office had known about Mikko's pregnancy for a month and yet they hadn't tried to make a play on the center market. A big bunch of that had to do with the cap issues; Mikko wasn't eligible for LTIR due to the nature and timing of his medical "problem," so the Wild couldn't use cap relief to replace him. In any case, he was supposed to be back by the end of the 2018-19 season. Mikko knew that he wasn't really that replaceable at this point. The Wild's three center prospects weren't quite there yet, and from all indications all of them could possibly end up on the wing instead. Mikko tried to reassure his skeptical teammates that Matt Hendricks and Eric Fehr were fine players. He couldn't reassure all of them about the prospects, as some of them _were_ the prospects.

Handling the teammates was fine. When preseason rolled around, everyone knew about the situation, from the front office to the coaching staff to all the players. The new players whom Mikko didn't know were told by the team, in private, and from what he was told everyone had taken the news well. Handling the press was another matter. They had started to suspect something when Zach was running the unofficial practices before the preseason. The news about Mikko's injured non-roster status was dropped on the first day of the preseason. Mikko wasn't around for media day, either; at twenty-two weeks pregnant, his condition would be definitely obvious to anyone unless he was taking extraordinary measures to obscure it. He couldn't even think of the size of jersey he would have needed to hide it. Getting on skates would have also been impossible. Not only was he not supposed to skate, his feet had started to change size.

Mikko had been told that he would be able to start using the practice facility for workouts as soon as the season started. The team wanted him around, no matter if he was on the ice or not. He also had ideas for other things he could do in the meantime while he waited for the baby to be born. He just needed to see if the team wanted him to do them.


	10. Chapter 10

Mikko couldn't sleep. He was wondering why he had followed Mikael's lead on calling the fetus "the sapling," because this little one could only be described as treelike if the tree was being battered by wind gusts. The little flutters Mikko was feeling at the start of September had turned into full internal workouts by the beginning of October. If only the sapling would exercise when Mikko did, as opposed to running through its routine between midnight and four, Mikko would have felt much better.

"At least I have you to talk to," Mikko said to the sapling. "Not that you're much of a talker right now. I probably distressed you with all that screaming I did during the game, and because I'm not calm you're not calm either."

Mikael and the Wild were in Denver for the season opener against the Avalanche. Mikko had never felt so frustrated while watching a hockey game. It was different being a healthy scratch or an injured player and watching your team from the press box or the locker room than it was in this weird state Mikko was in, stuck watching his team at home alone. Or alone with a child in his womb who didn't care about the outcome of the game but was being affected by Mikko's stress hormones about the game. It was hard for him to watch the games but it was hard for him not to watch the games. He had a list of everything he could see that went wrong about the loss that night.

The coaches wanted him to watch the games. If Mikko couldn't be on the ice, he could be useful off of it. He would be coming into the practice facility when the team was in town, not only to do his workouts with the team's strength coach, but to work along with the coaches as well, watching video and putting his input in about team strategies. He didn't know how he would take to this new role, especially having to be around his teammates who were still playing and being where he wanted to be, but it was worth a try.

Mikko already knew the road trips were going to be a special test of endurance. He hadn't realized how much he had become used to sharing a bed with Mikael until he had been gone for a road game during the preseason. Tonight was worse, now that the sapling was on the move a bit more. Mikael seemed to always know when Mikko was up and the sapling was squirming inside, and would draw closer to him and cuddle. The bed felt cold and lonely to him right now and he didn't know if he would ever get back to sleep that night.

  


It felt weird to be the passenger in a car heading for practice. Even in the sort-of-secure parking at the facility, people could still figure out who was around by which cars were parked in the lot. Mikael was supposed to be at practice, which meant that he was driving his car to the practice, which also meant that Mikko was in the passenger seat. It was a route he had driven hundreds of times, but never as a passenger. It made him nervous.

Lots of things about this made Mikko nervous. He looked around the lot when they arrived at the facility. The ceiling of the ramp was really low, which made him feel like he was in a cave that was about to collapse. It didn't go with the rest of the place, but the only thing the redevelopment of that old department store had done was to gut the inside of the store and stick a rink on the top of the ramp; they didn't do anything to the ramp itself and it was apparently still as spooky and tiny as it was when the place was built. At least no reporters were lurking behind columns, ready to take pictures of him. The baggy sweater he was wearing didn't show much of the body underneath it at this point; hopefully that would hold up until his due date, but Mikko wasn't particularly counting on it.

Mikko and Mikael headed to the changing room. After that, Mikael would go and put his hockey equipment on and Mikko would head out to the workout room to exercise while the rest of the team was up at the rink skating. By the time they got back, he would also be done with his workout, and then they would eat lunch together. The rest of their day would vary after that. The video coach was going to teach Mikko a little bit about his job, so he knew what to look for when he watched the games in real-time. Mikael would get his workouts in while Mikko was being trained. That was the plan for today, and it would be similar to the plan every day from now on until Mikko couldn't come to the facility any longer.

The facility, and everything in it, was strange to Mikko. He didn't know if he would be playing there long enough to have it not be strange, if he would still be wondering where everything was and what everything was for by the end of the next season. It was as strange as the body he saw in the mirrors of the bathroom, the curvy body with a big solid bump in the middle and the slightly swaying walk. It didn't look like him until he saw the face above it, almost unchanged despite the changes in everything else.

There was so much new equipment and new ways to train in the workout room. Mikko wanted to try it all out, but that would have to wait until 2019 like so much else. He was limited to the things he was allowed to do. It wouldn't be long until he could run all-out down that new track and start lifting weights normally, but it still felt too long. Until then, it was small jogs on the treadmill and lifting things without lying down. It still frustrated him.

The sapling was being a bit too restful for Mikko's tastes while he did his workout. Maybe he was going too hard. He would do a kick count during and after lunch, like he'd been doing at home. Everything was normal when he did it at home. Everything should be normal here, but only if he didn't overwork himself. He touched his belly as he headed to the showers and then to change.

"Please be okay, little one," he said as he got dressed. Mikko could feel a few flutters inside; his cooldown must have done a world of good for his little sapling. Nobody had come in yet from the skate; he would go and lounge on the sofa for a while until everyone else was done.

Mikko's little lounge had turned into a little snooze, apparently, because he woke up to Mikael touching his belly while a small circle of teammates gathered around him.

"How is it that big already?" Al asked.

"I'm twenty-five weeks in, that's how. And it's not that big, and it's going to get bigger. Didn't you all see it with your partners, too?" Mikko said.

Al nodded. "Yeah, but it's different when you see it on your wife instead of your captain. And I see my wife every day, and haven't seen you for a while. You can stop hiding yourself, Mikko."

"I can't stop hiding myself. I go out, but it's just for my prenatal visits, and here. There are too many nosy people out there. And I'm not feeling like running around and going out right now."

"Mikko, I think the guys just want us to come around to their houses and visit, you know, like that," Mikael said.

"Well, then. If you're not too busy to have me over, I wouldn't mind the invitation. As long as it's not in public! This is as public as it gets."

The circle of guys nodded. Mikko appeared to have acquired some sort of future social schedule. As long as Mikael was there with him, even if he didn't usually talk, he could get through it.

  


The Wild had a weird schedule in October, with several stretches in which they had four days between games. This made for a bad rhythm, Mikko knew from experience. All the practice in the world wouldn't help without any games; it was the opposite of having too many games next to each other where the team could never get in a practice. Either one wasn't optimal for play. The schedule, especially with its extended homestands, suited the non-playing Mikko well this time around. He had work in the morning and he and Mikael could be together at night.

They had started on getting the nursery ready. Mikael had been painting it a nice pale blue during the evening, letting the air come through the window. Even with low-VOC paint, he didn't trust it, and told Mikko to not enter the room until the paint was dry. The blue was for the sky, and the cloud and bird decals they would apply to the walls later. It would be a nice, cheery place for a baby to grow in. They were still trying to decide on whether to have white or natural wood-toned furniture in the room. Mikko didn't care that much, even though he knew he would be the one spending the most time in the room who wasn't the baby. Mikael was the one who was flip-flopping. Mikko knew that he would have to make the decision, and he was leaning towards wood. He'd told a few teammates about it at lunch the previous week; most of the guys had been through Battleground Nursery before and understood the problem.

It was their lone complete day off that week of the first four-day period and Mikko was being pushed at his first social engagement. Duby had invited them over that afternoon for some sort of pre-Halloween nonsense. Pumpkin carving without Duby's kids being underfoot, or something like that; his wife had taken the little ones out for the afternoon to give them time to do it. If not for the fact that Mikko couldn't drink, and that it was a weekday afternoon, he'd have said it was some sort of man nonsense to do with sports. It probably was still man nonsense, except sober and with knives.

Mikael had bought him something stupid to wear that he had found online, a maternity shirt with "Little Pumpkin" over the belly, and insisted that he wear it that day. Mikko couldn't figure out the motivation behind it, other than silly Halloween pictures. It was the sort of thing that he'd probably have had more of a sense of humor about before he was pregnant. The shirt at least covered up the little pumpkin without showing off anything else, which was a miracle.

"Oh, you are so cute," Mikael said as he threw his arms around Mikko's neck and kissed him.

Mikko glowered. "Cute. Me or the sapling? Or pumpkin? What plant is the little one today?"

"It's a pumpkin today, and both of you are so cute with that shirt."

"I hope none of these pictures escape your phone, you know that."

"Oh, they will, when my mother and father see them. I want them to see the little pumpkin and my big handsome pumpkin."

Mikko snorted. "I hear they have giant pumpkin contests. I feel like I could win one right now."

"But you're not fully grown yet. Let's go, we don't have much time to get this in before Duby's wife and kids show up and then they have no Halloween pumpkin carved."

Mikko knew something was up when he drove up to Duby's house and found the street full of his teammates' cars. He couldn't find a place to park that wouldn't have him trudging for meters and meters in public wearing a shirt which advertised the baby inside of him for all to see.

"Park in the driveway," Mikael said. "He sent me a text. Park in the driveway."

"I'm parking in the driveway," Mikko said, "but I am still wondering why everyone, and it looks like everyone, is here. Duby didn't say it was a pumpkin party."

"He didn't tell me that either. This looks weird to me," Mikael said.

Both of them were correct when they walked into the house and found no pumpkins, but a bunch of pastel zoo animal decorations and a banner reading "Baby Shower."

"Surprise!" yelled what had to be the entire team, packed into the house.

Mikko let out a big breath. He knew what baby showers were, of course, but hadn't exactly been invited to any of them. He hadn't been part of a couple, and all showers appeared to be for women or couples only. He'd sent gifts to his teammates after their babies were born, but hadn't done anything beforehand. That wasn't done in Finland, and he hadn't got used to the American way of doing things. He supposed he needed to get used to it right then and there because apparently Duby had the bright idea that what he really needed was a baby shower.

Mikael looked like a deer caught in headlights. He hadn't expected or suspected it either. "A baby shower? For us?"

"Yeah, for you two," Duby said. "I know they don't do showers in Finland, but we thought it would be a nice excuse for us to all get together before we don't have any time to do it because we're too busy with the season, and we all know that Mikko's going to have that baby before we know it."

"It was tricky hiding it from both of you but we managed. We don't have much time to do it, so we cut out the games and we're just going to have food and a total deluge of baby stuff you don't need," Zach said.

"I don't get a baby box, true, but my parents are going to buy the kind that people buy for their kids overseas, almost the same thing as the government box. We're set on everything small," Mikko said.

"Not on the fun stuff," Duby said. "Or the stuff you didn't think you needed. It was hard because we don't know the sex of your baby, but we tried. And once the kid is born, we'll get you guys more fun stuff."

Mikko had difficulty coming up with something to say. He was feeling really emotional, and also embarrassed because he was standing in front of twenty guys while wearing a "Little Pumpkin" maternity shirt. It was overwhelming. He choked back tears. "Thanks, guys, it really does mean a lot."

His teammates were exchanging looks with each other after that, but Mikko didn't care. It was what he felt. He had to continue calming himself down as he sat down, in a seat by himself where he could put his feet up. It was so kind of them to do that. His feet hurt so much lately.

Mikael took objection to the folding chair that was set up next to Mikko. "He gets all this, and I get the foldy thing?"

"You get the foldy thing because you're not pregnant," Duby said.

"You also get to lift the heavy gifts if there are any," Mikko said, "so it's a good thing you're not going to get too comfortable."

There weren't any really heavy gifts, Mikko soon discovered, but there were just so many of them. He now understood why his teammates had asked him so many nosy questions about what he intended to do with the baby after it was born. He received three different kinds of swaddling cloths, each of which someone claimed that his wife swore it was the best thing she had ever used. There were two types of slings.

The heaviest gift was something that looked like a giant neck pillow, but was apparently a support for breastfeeding. Mikael insisted on calling it a giant neck pillow, regardless. Mikko called him a pain in the neck.

The "fun stuff" was a seemingly endless supply of neutral-colored bodysuits, some more interesting than others. Spurge had found one with a tree on it and the words "small but mighty." He said it had reminded him of Granny, so he had to buy it for Granny's kid.

Zucks had given them one with "this is my game face" on it. "It's either going to stare at you or make funny faces, so either one's accurate," he said.

The one that really made Mikko smile was from Zach. It was a long-sleeved one in Christmas colors and an evidently custom message. "My daddies' number one fan," Mikko read. "Someone has to be fans of us, I guess, and it may as well be the one human we made together."

"We're fans of you!" he heard someone in the assemblage blurt out. It sounded like Brods.

"Both of us, or just Granny?" Mikko said.

"We try to be fans of you! Most of the time!" Brods replied.

"That's what I thought," Mikko said with a smile.

They had to be at least friends with Mikko, though, if the entire team would show up on their offday in the afternoon to shove gifts at him. It wasn't just for Mikael's benefit; at least he wasn't looking like he should crawl into a hole like he normally did during these sort of things. He looked confident and proud. It was a look Mikko liked, and this time he did let himself cry. Despite his hating surprises, this surprise ended up to be pretty awesome, even though he still wished he had insisted on wearing something else.

  


Almost every hockey player looked forward to the team Halloween party. It was the highlight of the social season. It had been that way for Mikko, too, until this year. The party wasn't at anyone's house, it was at a rented location, and even the assurances of a private area and the fact he would be in costume didn't help. They had put together a very interesting couples costume. Mikael would be one of those space explorers from bad old movies, the kind who carried around a ray gun and talked tough, and Mikko would be his alien princess bride.

Mikko had wriggled himself into the tight, high-necked silver dress and had got as far as to finish his wig and makeup when he realized that he absolutely did not want to go to the party. It wasn't the costume; he thought he looked pretty great even as obviously pregnant as he looked in the thing. He knew Mikael really was into the idea of being the tough space jock who got the alien virgin princess knocked up, and Mikko didn't mind that one bit, but he was tired and cranky and didn't feel like having to deal with the usual nonsense that went along with team Halloween parties. It didn't matter that there would be other pregnant people there; seven of his teammates had partners who were expecting. He just didn't want to go and play nice when his feet hurt and the only food around would aggravate his heartburn and he'd have to be wriggling out of the dress every half-hour to pee.

"I'm not going," he said to Mikael. The poor guy had been waiting for him to finish his makeup so patiently. It was a shame to disappoint him.

"Why not? Is something wrong? Please, let there not be anything wrong with you or the sapling, please." Mikael had a painful look of worry on his face.

"Nothing serious is wrong. I just do not want to go and put myself through all that bother. I'm tired. I know we had those days off, but I am so very, very tired, and I don't want to pull you away from the fun that you're going to have. I'll drive you there, and I'll pick you up, the same driving arrangement we were going to have if I had stayed, so you can do whatever you like there and stay as long as you want."

Mikael frowned. "It's not as fun without you. I had wanted to see everyone's reaction to that costume."

"Well, we'll take a selfie of us in the costumes and you can show it off to everyone. The costume isn't the problem. The problem is that this sort of thing really makes a wreck of me now. I can't stay up that late. I need to conserve my sleep. Even though the sapling isn't as active as it was in the middle of the night now, I still don't feel like I'm resting." Mikko shook his head.

"Now I feel guilty that I'm off having fun without you."

"You can feel guilty that you're off having fun without me when the baby is born and I'm stuck at home. Which we better not be doing, you know. It's yours too."

"I won't let you get stuck with the kid, you know this. We're equal, or at least as much as we can be when you're doing all the work right now."

"I know," Mikko said. He clapped his hand on Mikael's shoulder. "Now, off with us, Flash or whatever the hell your space name is, so you can get your party going. Apologize profusely for me when you get there."

Mikko went back home after dropping Mikael off and attempted a nap. He had just thought he had got to sleep when his phone awakened him. It was actually three hours of blessed sleep, which was about three more than he had thought. It was still awfully late, past midnight, and Mikael looked like crap when he picked him up.

"You were right," Mikael said. "I think I should have got my rest too."

"You're the one who has to skate around this morning, not me. I'll be as bright-eyed as I get these days as I crawl on the treadmill while you're out there."

Mikael nodded. "I also was right. Despite all my best buddies being there, it's never as fun without you. Not anymore. I kept turning to you for your reaction to things and you weren't there."

"That's how I feel sleeping in the bed when you're on a roadie. Just so you know. Bed is also never as fun without you."

"In more than one way, huh?" Mikael laughed and punched Mikko in the shoulder.

"Yes, in more than one way. Right now, we go home and do the sleeping way, because if we don't, tomorrow is not going to be fun in any way."

Mikael took Mikko's advice faster than Mikko did. He was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. Mikko lay awake with his heartburn and his weird thoughts about being alone. What if he did get stuck at home with the kid? Would he not mind, or would he feel put upon? He didn't know.


	11. Chapter 11

The long road trip season was upon the Wild. At least they would be returning to Minnesota twice during the long trip. Mikko would have endured being without his teammates, and Mikael, for the two weeks of the combined trips, but that didn't mean that he really wanted to. Missing out on the California leg, which was always a fun time for team building, was bad enough.

He also regretted missing out on going to Vancouver. Mikael and Markus got together on the offday before the game and had a good time. The good feelings lasted until the game, where Markus completely dominated. Mikael wasn't used to that and called Mikko in the middle of the night complaining.

"He's not supposed to do that, ever," he said.

"Yes, he is, you two always compete with each other. You'll be better tonight, if you get some sleep," Mikko said.

"I expected you to be up. Is the sapling shaking its branches right now?"

"Not that much. It's definitely there. Here, let me put the phone by it, so you can talk." Mikko moved the phone next to his belly.

"Hello, little one. Are you going to let your father sleep tonight? I miss you both so much." Mikael's voice sounded so sad to Mikko.

Mikko took the phone back. He could feel a few more movements from the baby. "They perhaps have heard you. Now I feel the squirming. Thanks. You'll be back in a few days, so stop feeling sad."

"I can't help it! I hate leaving you, and I know you hate it when I leave you. We're supposed to be together."

"We will be together all the time soon enough. This summer, next season...."

"But what happens after that?"

"Mikke, you know I'd have to retire someday. Even if we weren't a couple, I'd have to retire. At least this way you get me at home; if we weren't together, if we didn't know we felt this way about each other, you'd have probably never have seen me again." Mikko felt chilled. "Aren't we lucky that something like that will never happen to us now?"

"I'd never have thought I'd hate playing without you. I know I've been on other lines, but you're not there on the bench and it's awful."

"Come on, it can't be that bad. You're really playing well this season. Keep it up and make me and the sapling proud of you, all right? Now, go to sleep. You know this isn't good for your sleep."

"That's the sort of thing I miss when you're not here, Mikko."

"All right, I'll send you berating texts before game time on road trips. Little nags. Or just ask Staalsy to do it; I'm sure he'd be happy to oblige. Good night." Mikko hung up.

  


Mikko realized just how bad he had screwed that one up when the Wild came back to town and Mikael was extremely frosty towards him. It just didn't stop, even at practice. Mikael had indeed had an excellent game in Edmonton; the coaches had finally taken his advice about the power play and it took the power play unit out of its slump. Mikko was pleased about that and pleased that management had started to trust Mikael like it would have an older veteran but he was not pleased that he couldn't get a word out of Mikael about it.

"I'm sorry, all right?" Mikko said to him on the way home from practice. "I didn't hang up on you because I was pissed off at you, I hung up on you because it was three in the morning and I was overtired and cranky. I'm pregnant. I'm entitled to have at least one overtired and cranky episode per month, all right? If you want I can start handing out coupons for them so you can at least be assured when one is coming."

"I don't want to fight with you. I hate it, but you should have said something nice when you hung up." Mikael kept his eyes on the road.

"I did. I said I was proud of you, didn't I? Or something like that?"

"No, you implied that all you were good for is nagging and you sounded really pissed at me."

"I really read that wrong, didn't I? It's not my nagging and sarcasm you miss, it's the other bits."

Mikael finally looked at him. "It's how I figured out you really liked me. You're supportive of every other teammate, but you were really supportive of me, more so than you probably should have been. It's been great having you to support me, to build up my confidence."

Mikko was shocked. "You've been building it so much without me there! I am so proud of you, yes, that you're standing on your own. This is going to be your team soon, if you re-sign and stick it out. I can see the signs whenever I watch the games or the practice videos. I've been seeing it for a while, even before this season."

Mikael took a while to reply. "What if I don't want it to be my team?"

"Why wouldn't you? You've never been one to dodge responsibilities."

"Because it's your team, Mikko. It has been. Just because you missed this season doesn't mean it's not your team. Just like the national team. I was honored to be captain but I felt like I was usurping your position and it didn't feel right."

"Did you think that perhaps I wanted to cede the role to you, just like my brother did for me? You were the right man for the job. You'll be the right man for the job if you go in 2019, and I know you want to be home with me and the baby but I want you to go if you're asked. You were the right man for 2018."

"So you won't go in 2019 either?"

Mikko nodded. "I don't think so. Part of me wants to, but another part of me...the sapling will only be four months old, and they will need me far more than a bunch of hockey players will."

"What does this mean for next season, though?"

"We'll get there when we get there. I intend to follow through with finishing my contract, but the future is always uncertain."

"You know I'll try to change your mind if you don't."

Mikko looked at Mikael. He was looking at the road. "I know. And that's the one reason I'm intending to follow through right now."

  


There weren't too many new posts on the forum. Mikko didn't feel like making any himself. He had joined back in August on the advice of his obstetrician, because she said that he had to make some connection to other men like himself or he'd find himself even more isolated than he already was. There just wasn't much connection there; maybe there would have been more if Mikko had been the sort to open up online, even when he wasn't trying to hide himself from the general public. The vagueness in his posts was revealing enough. Late thirties, Upper Midwest, due in January, spell that did it was a complete accident. He'd shared all of one bump photo, one he had taken in the bathroom at the doctor's office. Almost every pregnant man in the five-state area who didn't go to the doctor in Chicago went to this clinic. It revealed nothing. Mikko preferred to lurk.

The few things he did ask, like if anyone currently posting had the spell he and Mikael had used in common, didn't lead anywhere. The doctors were right about the odds. He found a post in the archives about an unrelated spell causing pregnancy, but that post was from 2003 and that guy hadn't posted much even back then. There were no serious athletes even of the amateur variety posting; Mikko had asked for that information in the guise of asking about long-distance running training. Even the other men in the January due date forum weren't local. The one guy Mikko had run into in person at the clinic was due in May and had been asking Mikko the pointed questions about his personal pregnancy experience. He had no idea who Mikko was; he was from La Crosse and didn't watch anything that wasn't the Packers.

Even the avid lurker wasn't finding too many reasons to lurk today. Mikko still had questions, but wasn't brave enough to post them, and hadn't found enough answers in the really old posts. What he could post would have felt like bragging when he saw the other men's problems. His pregnancy hadn't given him that much physical trouble, his partner was still sexually attracted to him, and his family was more or less supportive. Mikko's issues with his pregnancy were probably not answerable by this forum. _I'm an internationally renowned professional hockey player nearing the end of his career, and I'm not sure what I want to do with my life after I have this child_ was not a question anyone on earth could possibly answer, excepting himself.

  


The overly long road trip was over and the Wild were back to a normalish schedule again. Markus had come over the night before Vancouver's game in Minnesota. Mikko wasn't looking forward to watching the game if the table talk was any indication. The Granlund brothers were competing in trivialities again and it drove Mikko crazy.

"Both of you are perfectly good players and neither of you is better than the other, all right?" Mikko finally had to say. "Even if I definitely prefer the older one of you in all matters, I want you both to keep your competition on the ice and get it out of my house. We shared a house for weeks, and it wasn't this bad. What's changed?"

"The regular season," Markus said. "We have our little competitions in training but this is the real thing. It's serious."

"What's serious is that it's agitating me and it's agitating my sapling. Mikael, don't you have anything to say?"

"Yes, Mikko, I promise not to have a water-drinking contest at the table again."

"That's more like it. You're setting a bad example for the little one."

Mikael's eyes widened. "Didn't you and Saku do this sort of thing all the time?"

"No, we just mutually annoyed each other. He teased me and I followed him and his friends around until they got sick of me."

Both brothers were quiet. Mikko was also quiet. Would this be the way his own children would be if they were spaced this close together? Not that the next one, if there was a next one, would be that close to the first in age; Mikko still expected to play the next season.

Markus had a gift for them after dinner. "I know it's early to be giving gifts, but Christmas is for Christmas things. You're sure that you still want me here for Christmas? I thought you were due that week, Mikko."

"The next week. It would be bad if you were alone, and my mother will be here, so at least now parts of the two families will meet. We can do the enormous family Christmas next year. I can't deal with it this year."

"You almost said yes," Mikael said.

"Until I thought better of it. I may have the baby that week; you never know."

"Well, you'll be prepared if you do," Markus said. "Open the gift."

Mikko opened the gift and frowned. It was yet another bodysuit, in Canucks colors, and a miniature Canucks home jersey. Mikko flipped the jersey over; it had "Granlund 60" on the back.

"I just wanted everyone to know who the kid's uncle is," Markus said.

Mikko started laughing. "All right, you win the off-ice competition between you two. Mikael, there is absolutely no way you can win this one until Markus has a child of his own and then you can troll him with gifts."

Mikael laughed too. "I concede! Just wait until tomorrow night, though."

"If you beat me tomorrow, I beat you next month."

"As long as the Wild win, I don't care what either of you two do." Mikko patted Mikael on the head and put his arm around his shoulder. "And as long as you return this one to me intact."

  


After Markus left, Mikko and Mikael sat in the den. Neither of them was really ready for sleep. Mikko was still amused over the baby gift. He couldn't tell if Mikael was amused or fuming in anger. His expression was flat.

"We haven't really discussed names yet," Mikael said.

"No, we haven't. I thought we should actually do that around Christmas, or during the next big chunk of offdays we have in a row if you don't want to go through name lists with Markus and my mom there," Mikko said. "I haven't been thinking much about them, but I should probably start. I'm due in seven weeks. Seven weeks, already."

"Not personal names, Mikko. But you're right, I haven't really thought of that either. We can't keep calling the baby by a nickname forever, especially since it's going to be here so soon. I was thinking about the family name. We never discussed what to do about that. It has to be either mine or yours, you know that."

"I do. I didn't want to think about it. Either one is a tough thing to hang on a kid, especially if that kid is a boy. All the hockey expectations. Which would be better? Which one is worse? We're both in that family legacy situation at this point, especially that you've been captain of the national team now, too."

"My name is easier to spell and say for Americans."

"Right, but are we going to be here forever? And at least my family name is fairly common. Our child wouldn't have to admit that they're related to _that_ one, right?"

Mikael nodded. "And a lot of people here still think I'm Swedish."

"Ah, that is indeed a problem, although a small one."

"This is going to be my parents' first grandchild. Does that count for something?"

"It may be my parents' third, but I'm the one who's actually carrying this baby. I'm doing all the work, shouldn't I get the credit?" Mikko smiled.

Mikael returned his smile. "But I'm the one who got you into this mess in the first place."

"I have the answer. I'll get a nurse to flip a coin in the delivery room."

Mikael laughed. "And it will land on the edge and we'll still be in the same mess."

"We have seven weeks to get this all decided. And we will, even if it takes the last minute to do it."


	12. Chapter 12

The last month of pregnancy wasn't a race, Mikko found, more like a slow waddling march. Everything was normal; his job was normal, the team was normal, his pregnancy was normal. He just wanted the entire thing to be over already.

The baggy sweaters had ceased being sufficiently baggy around the first week of December. It was a look only his partner could appreciate. The fact that his teammates and co-workers could now see the bump all the time made them even more likely to touch it. "For luck," they all said, although it didn't appear to be working. The Wild were always a streaky team, except for now. Perhaps the luck was to make them less streaky. Mikko let them do it, grudgingly, because he knew that hockey players were the most superstitious athletes in the world and the last thing he wanted to do was pull away their placebo effect and make them think they were going to lose.

Mikko was sick of getting up in the morning and putting on something that didn't feel like it fit him. All his old clothes were in the closet in one of the spare bedrooms; he'd moved them out when Mikael moved in, to give him room, but Mikko didn't think the old things were ever coming back. His body had changed too much. It felt like a waste. His old shoes were all in there too, another case of forlorn hopes. His feet had become wider and longer. He was going to have to order new skates after the baby was born, but had no idea what size to order. There was probably another case of lace bite in his future.

Even the process of going to bed and sleeping had irrevocably changed for the near future. He had been having odd, vivid, memorable dreams during his entire pregnancy. Following Mikael's sleep tricks didn't help one bit with that. Mikko had been told that those sort of dreams were normal. They seemed to be weirder when Mikael wasn't sleeping next to him, though. They had been having a conversation about marriage that night when Mikael called from Calgary, just attempting to hash out the first few details of when and where. That apparently fed into a dream where Mikko, dressed in a ridiculously elaborate white wedding gown, was about to kiss Mikael at the altar. Then the snowplow came down the street scraping the curb and woke Mikko up. He had been sleeping naked and had thrown off the covers; the first thing he saw was his own body lightly illuminated by the green numbers on the alarm clock. The sight of full, heavy breasts and a large round belly startled him awake. It wasn't a secondary dream; he had been scared by seeing himself.

The only good thing about December was that the Wild were home for most of the month so Mikko could drag Mikael to the now-weekly prenatal visits. Mikko felt too big to drive. He just couldn't get the driver's seat and the steering wheel in the right positions to make himself comfortable. At least he had a good excuse now to not drive in the snow.

  


The closer Mikko got to his due date, the less he wanted to do anything but stay in the house. Not only did he have a nursery to prepare, he had relatives to host for Christmas and after. His mother was coming to stay for the first three months to take care of the baby as he trained.

He dragged himself to work anyway. It was an optional skate because the Wild had so many games close together, but that didn't mean that other things weren't going on. With the due date less than three weeks off, Mikko didn't bother going to workout that day. He decided to go up to the box and watch the few guys who were skating. It was the first time he had seen any hockey live and up close since the end of the previous season and he discovered that he missed it a lot, even if it was a bunch of defensemen and the fourth line doing shooting drills. There was just so much to see and hear. Most of what he heard was Marcus Foligno. He'd really stepped it up that season and was doing a fantastic job on the fourth line, as well as being the team's biggest hype man during the games. It was one of the team's bright spots.

Mikko was in an exceptional mood at lunch until Brownie passed over his phone.

"Look at Twitter, Mikko," Brownie said. "Which I know you do, but you need to see it now."

"Honestly, I haven't looked at it at all this season except to catch up on Finnish hockey. I'm not playing, so there's nothing to read about me." Mikko was puzzled.

"Yeah, there is. One of our local beats was out there during optional skate today, and you didn't notice him, so there's a tweet about you."

Mikko read. _We still don't know what Mikko Koivu's mysterious illness is, but from the state of his conditioning as seen today I don't see him returning any time soon._

"Thankfully, there wasn't a picture attached," Mikko said. "It could be worse."

"I think that's when the skate ended and you moved too quickly for him to get a good one."

"At least he just assumed I'm too fat and not too pregnant. But I do need to be more careful. Thanks, Brownie. This is probably the last time you guys are going to see me until after the baby's born. I'll check with the coaches and the front office, but I don't think the boys need me right now."

"I know how it is. I can't even see how you're still trying to work. I thought my wife was driven but you may have her beat," Brownie said.

"Well, you know Finns, there is rather a national complex about powering through it. But there are things I'm not particularly interested in enduring if I do not have to, like nosy reporters."

  


Mikko's mother had flown in on the 21st and Markus came in on the 23rd and would be leaving on the 26th. The Wild had a road trip right after the Christmas break that Mikko was not looking forward to at all. Due dates were such a tricky thing, even if one knew exactly when a child was conceived. Nothing was ever exact. He knew that Mikael would never forgive himself if he didn't get home in time for the birth, and he also knew that Mikael wouldn't pull out of a game if he knew Mikko was in labor just because he didn't want to let the world know what was going on with them yet. It was the worst situation in the world to be in. At least they were only going to Chicago and Winnipeg. Even if Mikael couldn't get a plane out, he could drive to the Cities and try to make it in time.

Christmas was at least quiet. Mikko's mother made the food and fussed over him constantly, and Markus and Mikael ate the food and enjoyed it, and all three of them largely left Mikko alone. The Christmas gifts were not for the baby, not yet. Markus promised to send something relevant after the baby was born.

"I know our first Christmas together was supposed to be more exciting and romantic than this," Mikael said in bed on Christmas night.

"Our second Christmas together can be that. Your brother is here, my mother is here, and we're both waiting on our little sapling to make its grand entrance any day now. You're tired from all those games you played last week. I'm tired from everything. We're together, and we love each other, and that's all I wanted out of this year."

"How sweet. Like me saying that we already gave each other the best gift, right? And it's coming next week?"

Mikko laughed. "Some assembly was required, it took three-fourths of the year, and it's high maintenance immediately upon arrival, and the delivery date may slip; but yes."

"I wonder what your gift next year is going to be."

"You can never go wrong with hockey equipment." Mikko turned off the light.

  


The sapling picked the absolute best, and worst, time to decide to want to come out: five minutes after a 5 PM puck drop at a home game on New Year's Eve. Mikko had been sitting on the sofa with his mother, watching the game. Mikael had already completed one shift by then where he had made a shot on goal. The Penguins hadn't looked particularly interested in stopping him. Mikko wasn't particularly interested in stopping him, either.

"It's only the first contraction," his mother said. "We really don't need to go anywhere until the spacing is far closer together than it is right now, or if anything else of concern happens. Go make sure where your bag is, make sure everything's packed, and I'll help load it into the car for you. Then we can leave. You can text Mikael when you're on the way there."

"You already figured out I wasn't going to call so he could get pulled from the game, eh?"

"Not with the look on your face after that first shift. Nor did I expect you to after that unfortunate tweet from several weeks ago. You aren't ready yet to have this come out, even though it will be exceptionally difficult. So many people know."

It was less them knowing than them gossiping, Mikko thought, and most of the people he had encountered didn't want to reveal it. Even those outside the team that had a hint about the pregnancy wouldn't know about his relationship with Mikael. It wasn't as if their relationship had affected anything with the Wild that season; Eric Staal had the third A with Mikko absent, Mikael was on his line, and Mikko's coaching efforts had been directed at almost everyone else except that line for the most part.

The bag was packed and moved to the car, and Mikko and his mother moved back to the sofa to continue watching the game. Mikko was surprised at how relaxed he felt, despite the ever-increasing pain at shorter and shorter intervals. The sapling may have wanted to come out, but it was in no hurry. It apparently wanted to find out the outcome of the game. Mikael was having a good game, and Mikko was glad that he hadn't torn him away from it too soon. The game ended, right at the point the timing of the contractions was short enough that it was time to make the hospital call.

Mikko's mother shook her head. "You would be giving birth to the ultimate hockey player's child. Didn't want to interrupt its father's game!"

Mikko bit his lip as he sent Mikael the fateful text. "Or they just aren't in any rush. Now if the game had gone into overtime and then they were more reluctant to come out, then you may have something. It's probably that I am the most relaxed I have been for a while. It's happening. No more worry, no more anticipation, it is here."

The hospital experience was pretty much as Mikko had expected after his initial visit to check it out; the most impersonal personal experience ever. They had the art of treating every parent like they were special down at the same time it was also a routine. That was also what Mikko had been expecting from reading the parenting forums. The nurses and doctors had seen this all before, hundreds of times, and it was their job. There was no need to be embarrassed by anything that happened.

Mikko thought he may have been too relaxed. The nurses weren't concerned, but the little one didn't appear to be in any hurry to get out. Mikko refused the epidural, not because he wanted to test his manhood on childbirth pain, but because the side effects didn't really seem worth it to him. He wanted to be able to get up if he wanted to and feel what was going on; and he really didn't want that headache. He had heard about the headache from other players who had epidural anesthesia for other surgeries. In any case, the pain of childbirth was different than all of his other severe orthopedic injuries put together. He could get through it.

He rethought that sometime after one in the morning. The nurses kept saying he wasn't dilated enough. He was hungry, but that wasn't happening either. Mikael was hungry, but even though he could actually go eat, he didn't. He wanted to stay by Mikko's side for the entire ordeal.

"One of us needs to not be hungry and cranky. Since you're the one who can control it, let it be you." Mikko tried to pry Mikael's hand from his.

"But what if the baby comes when I'm gone?"

"Just hit a vending machine, get a Coke and a bag of chips, and eat it in here. But eat something. The baby isn't going to put on a rush job just because you walked down a corridor for fifteen minutes."

Mikko's mother was still awake, too. "Listen to your man and eat something. You've played with him for how long, and you know how he gets when he's angry. He's angry."

"All right, but if there's anything! Anything! Run and get me, please."

"I will," Mikko's mother said. "But there won't be anything, other than Mikko groaning for the next hour."

"Thanks, Mom," Mikko said between groans.

The baby did not come in the fifteen minutes that Mikael went in search of food. He came back with Cokes, chips, and news. "Some other baby was born right after midnight, so ours won't be the first baby of the New Year."

"Thank God," Mikko said. "That's just what I didn't need, the New Year's Baby media rush."

"I just hope it's not coming January 2nd," Mikael said with a smile. Nobody else was smiling.

The action finally started after four. Mikko was tired and sweaty and sick of everything, including Mikael. Mikael should have slept instead of fretting in anticipation; he looked like he needed to prop his eyelids open with toothpicks.

"I told you to sleep. You put in almost twenty minutes on ice last night," Mikko said through gritted teeth.

"I couldn't because you couldn't."

"Next time, don't, all right?" Mikko winced and then screamed.

The baby finally made their grand entrance at 4:46 AM. It was a girl, nine pounds two ounces, everything normal. She yelled about as much as Mikko did, but then quieted down.

She stared at Mikko when he held her for the first time, large overly-aware blue eyes meeting his, and he felt calm. Everything was going to be all right. He smiled at her and kept her close to his chest as her eyes closed.

  


Everyone except Mikko had finally had their sleep. The baby was asleep. Mikko was still wide awake and faced with paperwork. There was paperwork Mikael had to fill out to register his fatherhood; Mikko wasn't going to touch that. There were enough things he had to fill out as the bearing parent. With that was the choice of name. They hadn't really discussed it at all; Mikael had been too busy playing, and Mikko hadn't really prodded him about it. Mikko had his personal name lists, and his ideas, and he filled out the paperwork.

"Aurora Minna Koivu, arrived at nearly dawn, January first of 2019," Mikko said as he wrote the name down. "Everyone has to start somewhere."


	13. Chapter 13

The 2018-19 season was coming to a suboptimal end for the Wild. They hadn't made the playoffs for the first time in seven seasons. Mikko had tried his hardest to come back, especially after all the injuries happened, but then he got injured himself. He had known his ligaments were weakened after giving birth, but he hadn't expected yet another ankle injury. That ended his comeback attempt flat; he didn't feel that it was worth his time or effort to push through a month just so he could get on the ice. His promise was to make it back to the NHL in 2019. The 2019-20 season counted for that.

Mikko had cleaned out his personal locker in the practice facility earlier than he had needed to. There wasn't anything particularly personal up in it, just a picture of Mikael holding Aurora in the hospital; Mikael had a picture of him doing the same thing up in his locker. His equipment locker had been cleaned out long before. Even before the injury, everything was wrong. His new skates had felt wrong and his jersey and pants were two sizes up from what he had worn the previous season.

He had to be honest with himself. His heart wasn't in playing at that point. His heart was as far away from hockey as possible. When he had been at the facility, he wished he had been at home with Aurora. He didn't want to hear Mikael talk about the team when he was home. It wasn't as important as his daughter, the light of his life.

  


Mikael came home from Dallas and the last game of the year in the middle of the night. Mikko was up, as usual, feeding Aurora. She was still big at three months and still wasn't able to sleep through the night. Mikko felt like she was hungry constantly and the journal he kept backed that up. He felt bad that he had laughed over the giant thing that looked like a neck pillow that he received at the shower. Keeping that heavy lump of baby in the right position to nurse as frequently as she did would have been impossible without it.

"You've arrived just in time. She'll need changing soon and then you can try to get her to sleep after that," Mikko said.

"Am I good for anything else?" Mikael asked. There was no humor behind the statement, only disappointment.

"You can attempt to see if she'll let you give her a bottle tomorrow morning before you leave. She's finally eating for Dad right off, after all the screaming she's done about it."

"I didn't know that. You didn't tell me. I thought it would have been easy; you two are of the same general size and voice, and I thought she may have been fooled."

"She prefers this delivery system, I think. Fresh and warm from the source, and not out of plastic. I'm sorry."

Mikael sighed. "At least you've stopped wailing when I hold you, eh, Aurora?" He put his hand down and let her grasp one of his fingers.

"You haven't been around long enough for her to get to know you well. That should change in the next few weeks. I know you love her, I know you want to be more involved, but I can't make her."

"Mikko. You don't let me do anything. You won't let me wake up in the middle of the night to feed her because you say I need my sleep for the games. You let me change her, until she complains and then you take over. You even have her in a sling most of the time when you're in the house. It's no wonder she only wants you, and grudgingly wants her grandparents because she has to be with them." Mikael didn't raise his voice, but Mikko could hear the anger in it.

"I want to protect what I love. I don't want either of you to be disrupted. You get cranky when you play badly. I hate to hear Aurora cry when she doesn't need to."

"Let her learn...disappointment isn't the right word, but neither is it the wrong one. There will be a time when you can't come running, when I'll be the one who comes or nobody will come at all. I'm going to stay with you this entire summer. No Worlds for me. I need to help you let go, and I've missed you so much."

"I know, you said that before I had the baby. I told you, next season."

"No, I miss you. I miss the man I fell in love with. Right now, you're just Aurora's daddy, and Mikko has disappeared. Come back to me this summer. We promised to do this together. She is our hearts' desire, our little miracle, and we were made to do this together."

Mikko looked down at his daughter, still quietly nursing from him. Her eyes were closed; he looked at the veins in her little, but protruding, pink ears. "I screwed this up, didn't I?"

"No, Mikko, we're both just unbelievably new at this. That's why we're here, to learn it together. It can be fixed."

He nodded. "I have to tell you this now. I've been putting it off for months. Next season is the last for me. I don't know if I can do it again. I made a promise, to you, my father, and the team to play out the contract but the next promise is to Aurora and the sibling I want to have for her. Whatever happens after that, if I decide to start coaching or just stay at home until Aurora is in school, I won't play again. I'll stay at home to support us, our family."

Mikael grasped Mikko's shoulder. "I figured that out when you just gave up on coming back. It wasn't like you to give up, until I realized you didn't give up, you gave in to something else that was more important. I just didn't know if I could get you back, and the you I love isn't necessarily the hockey player. It's just one part of you, and if that changes into another part, I wouldn't mind at all, as long as it's with me."

"I'm sorry. I'm glad you want to stick it out. I didn't mean to check out. I just didn't want to think about it. Now, when we both know what we want, things are going to be so much clearer. Honestly, I can't wait for this next adventure."

"It's going to be great, isn't it? You, me, and little Aurora, tackling the great unknown of next season."

"This July, we're going to tell everyone about us. It's time to get that unknown over with."

Mikael smiled. "I can't wait, either."


	14. Epilogue

**_August 2025_ **

It was cool for a Minnesota night in August. They hadn't expected that. Mikael lit a fire in the fire ring as Mikko sat on the bench next to it and waited for Mikael to join him. He could hear Aurora and Oliver behind him on the patio setting up their small hockey nets.

"Don't shoot it at the fire!" Mikko called to them.

"We won't and it's too far away!" Aurora yelled back, too loudly.

"She's right, it is too far away," Mikael said as he sat down next to Mikko.

"Her shot is harder than either of you know."

"Yes; but she's shooting at Oliver, and if it's too hard he's going to cry. She doesn't want that, so her shots are going to be soft, and they won't carry as far if she misses."

They heard a small "ow" behind them, followed by Aurora apologizing.

"See? Or hear? They'll be all right, and they'll be bored and joining us soon," Mikael said. He put his arm around Mikko's waist and touched his belly. "I'll get my cuddling in now while they're occupied. I almost forgot how wonderful it is when you look like this, all big with our child."

"Enjoy it now; this is probably the last month you'll get to see it." Mikko relaxed into Mikael's side.

"I am. This is great, isn't it?"

"Mmm." Mikko felt so happy inside, so full of bliss and wonder and delight. He suddenly remembered something.

"Do you remember the dream we had the night we made Aurora?" he asked Mikael.

"Oh! That dream." Mikael's eyes widened. "This is the dream, isn't it? It is really happening. We're here."

Mikko grinned. "We're here. We have everything our hearts desire, don't we? We've both had successful careers. We have two children we love and another one on the way. We have each other, for the rest of our lives."

"That wacky idea of mine seven years ago wasn't that wacky. If you hadn't gone along with it...." Mikael rested his head on Mikko's shoulder. "I can't even think about it."

"I can't either. Oh, love, we have everything we want, and I want you, forever." Mikko shifted position and kissed him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to elenajames and a few unnamed people from various exchange-focused Discords for helping me out with this fic.
> 
> The fic was inspired by [this prompt](https://thesinbin.dreamwidth.org/3088.html?thread=3478800#cmt3478800) from the hockey kinkmeme, much like the others in this series were inspired by prompts. The previous fics were intended to be timestamps for this one, but were written first, and the course of the actual 2018-19 season caused this fic to go in a slightly different direction. Consider those set in an AU of this one, where the schedule and the play were slightly different.


End file.
